Little Miracles
by NeverWonder
Summary: Rachel and Finn are trying to start a family, and trying seems to be the key word since they haven't had any success. But the universe brings little miracles into their lives in the most unusual ways. Finchel with a touch of Pucktana
1. Chapter One

**A/N:** I'm not sure how many chapters this will be. Future!Finchel fic set in NYC. Oh the angst, y'all. I was in tears the entire time I wrote it, so I hope you enjoy it. (Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine)

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><p>Ten little white sticks scattered on the bathroom floor, all with little pink negative signs, and one sobbing petite brunette curled up on the extremely large bed, her arms around a purple teddy bear affectionately named Grape. They'd been trying for two years without success. The doctors had all said the same thing; physically there was nothing wrong with either of them. It was just one of those things; she kept taking her vitamins, and they'd tried everything. It didn't help matters that Santana called earlier in the day, practically glowing over the phone about the fact that she and Noah were expecting their <em>second<em> child. She was happy for their friends, but she couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as Santana cooed about how Noah hoped that it would be a boy so that he could teach him to play football and pick up girls; it was hard not to be envious, especially when she visited the Puckerman home in Brooklyn. Slowly but surely, she fell apart again. A quiet whimper left Rachel's lips as she curled around the bear in her arms; this time she'd been so sure.

She hadn't answered his text about being on his way home, but he hoped that just meant that she was busy. She hadn't answered his text about bringing home Chinese food from her favorite restaurant, but he hoped that was just because she'd left her phone in her purse again. It was the fact that she didn't answer his texts that said "I love you" that had him worried. He'd sent her three, and none of them had gotten her usual five second response time. He knew in an instant that she was upset, and it didn't take a genius to know why. For two years they'd been trying to get pregnant, well, to get Rachel pregnant, and they'd had four false positives and no success. Not that trying wasn't tons of fun, especially since he was pretty sure he was getting more action than usual, but it was breaking his heart to see Rachel in tears with every confirmation that she was, once again, not pregnant. As his cab pulled up in front of the apartment building, Finn grabbed his laptop bag and slid out, quickly paying the driver; he raced up the steps, nodded to the doorman, and quickly took the elevator up to their loft.

"Rach?" He called for her as he stepped into large loft they'd been calling home for the past three years. "Rachel, baby where are you?"

There was no answer, and Finn felt a wave of panic; Rachel had been so cheerful that morning, and, although she had not said so, he suspected that she'd gotten her hopes up again. If that was the case, he was almost positive that she had been let down yet again and that he'd find her curled up in tears. He wanted a family terribly, but he wouldn't admit his infinite jealousy of Puck's happiness to Rachel for fear of putting more pressure on her. He could see the way Rachel tried to hide her envy and heartbreak when Santana was cooing over little Rebecca, who was the spitting image of her mother and at two years old was the unholy terror that everyone expected of a Puckerman and Lopez child, and it killed him. He knew Rachel would make a great mom someday, and it seemed so cruel that the universe was refusing to give her the opportunity. As he stepped into their bedroom, his heart broke; she was still curled up in their bed, her body swallowed up by an oversized grey NYU t-shirt that she'd obviously pulled out of one of his drawers, and he could see that she was still shaking with silent tears. Instantly he dropped his briefcase at the bedroom door, rushing to the bed and scooping her into his arms; he felt her tears through his shirt and had to bite back tears of his own.

"I was so sure, Finn. I was so sure this time." She couldn't stop the tears, and he held her to his chest.

"Shhh, baby it's alright." He tried desperately to comfort his wife, but nothing seemed to work. "It'll happen eventually; maybe it's just not our turn, yet."

"B-but when will it be our turn, Finn? W-we've been trying and trying, and you'd make such a great daddy." She stuttered.

"I don't know, sweetheart."

"Maybe it's me. Maybe I'll make a horrible mother, and the universe is telling me that I shouldn't have children. Maybe I'm just not supposed to have children because they'll have my attitude and personality and I'll be a terrible parent."

"Baby, no! You know that's not true! You'll be the best mom, and our kids are gonna be so lucky to have you, sweetheart." He gently rocked her in his arms. "It's just not the right time for us, I guess, but it will be some day; believe me, Rachel Hudson, when our time comes you will be such an amazing mother."

She offered him a sort of weak smile, and he gently pressed a kiss to the top of her head before settling her on her pillows and sliding from the bed to undress. Tonight would not be a 'let's try to make a baby' night; with a small sigh he filled a glass with water and brought it back to her, and she sipped it while he got ready for bed. Ten minutes later, he had tossed his clothes into the hamper, slid his briefcase and shoes against the wall, brushed his teeth, and crawled into bed next to Rachel; she instantly snuggled closer to him, her small arms wrapping around his chest. She wouldn't sleep, not really, and he was well aware of that fact; she was all keyed up, and it would be awhile before she calmed. But he wouldn't really sleep either, not with Rachel upset. So instead he held her close, listening to her soft breathing, and he was grateful that her tears began to slow to a stop and that her small frame stopped trembling. He felt her drift off to sleep a few hours later, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead; uneasy sleep would eventually overtake him too, but for the time being he stared at the ceiling and wondered what he had done wrong and why the universe seemed to be taking out its anger at him on Rachel, who definitely didn't deserve it.

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><p>It was Saturday, and Finn was awake before Rachel, which was a rare occasion. Since the Off-Broadway run of <em>West Side Story<em> had ended, Rachel had been a little stir crazy, and it meant that she got up even earlier for some reason; Finn was the opposite. If he had that much free time, he'd probably sleep in more often. Gently kissing her forehead, he slid silently from their bed, trying not to wake her; she'd slept fitfully most of the night, and she needed to rest. He worried that she'd make herself sick stressing, and he couldn't bear the thought. In the morning quiet he cleaned up around the bedroom, picking up laundry that had been abandoned the night before, and then he went to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later the smell of coffee and pancakes filled the air, and he was sure that it would awaken the petite brunette he left sleeping in their bed.

"G'morning beautiful," the words fell from his lips the moment he saw her. "I made breakfast."

She wandered into the kitchen some time later, her hair slightly messy and her eyes almost more tired than the night before, and she offered him a weak smile; Rachel walked barefoot across the kitchen and into his open arms, and he held her close. She pressed a kiss to his bare chest, and he couldn't prevent a small smile from creeping across his lips. Stroking her hair gently, he baby stepped her toward the table and settled her in a chair before he turned to get her a plate and some juice. Returning to the table, he placed a plate with a stack of three pancakes made with whole wheat flour and two slices of meatless bacon and a glass of orange juice in front of her, and she murmured a thank you. She'd given up her vegan diet six months into their quest to start a family, and now she was a vegetarian who was allowed eggs and dairy; he knew she'd done it in hopes of increasing their chances by providing her body with more nutrients.

"We're supposed to go to Brooklyn today; I promised San I'd help her repaint Becca's room, and I know Noah wants you to help him work on that horrible motorcycle he bought last month." She pulled in a breath as he sat down across from her and poked his bacon with a fork.

"We don't have to, baby. If you aren't feeling up to it, Puck and Santana will understand." She shook her head.

"I can handle it, Finn. I may be unable to bear your children, but I am fully capable of putting aside my own problems to help our friends." Her voice was a little sharper than she intended it to be, and she was immediately hit with a wave of guilt. "Oh god Finn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I just… I'm sorry, baby."

"I didn't mean it like that, Rach." He whispered, but she was already threatening to dissolve into tears; sometimes he was terrified that their troubles would tear them apart, and he quickly pushed his chair back and hurried to wrap her in his arms. "I know, baby; it's alright."

He had been trying to be patient and understanding; he knew it was hard on Rachel, who viewed it as a failure on her part, and she couldn't stand to be a failure. Nothing seemed to convince the woman in his arms that she was not a failure and that it was not her fault that they hadn't been able to conceive. Rachel kept muttering apologies, and he knew it would take her a little while to relax again. She hated snapping at him, and she hated the way she felt lately. Her therapist said it was just fear and anxiety making her lash out, but that did very little to quell the guilt she felt at the idea of attacking her husband when he was so patient and kind. Once things felt calm again, they went back to their breakfasts, and she nibbled her bacon in silence for a while; the conversation turned to work, and her spirits lifted considerably as she relayed the incredible news that she had received a call back for Fanny Brice in the Broadway revival of _Funny Girl_. The role was a dream come true. Finn was glad to see her genuinely smiling again.

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><p>Two hours later, Rachel found herself struggling for balance as Rebecca Puckerman wrapped her arms around her knees and chanted "Rachie" over and over; the petite brunette grinned as she picked up her goddaughter and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Santana chuckled at her daughter, and even Rachel giggled when her best female friend commented that it wouldn't be long until Becca was as big as Auntie Rachel, not that it would be difficult. Rachel forced her own sadness down, instead focusing on the fact that they all had the day off; putting Becca back on the floor, she watched with a small smile as the toddler wobbled away to find her toys, and she turned back to Santana, who was explaining to Finn that her husband was out in the garage playing with his new toy. Finn kissed Rachel's forehead, promised not to get too dirty, and disappeared outside, leaving the two women to their own devices.<p>

"You better watch Finn, Rachie; he'll take one look at that damn bike out there and want one too." Santana laughed softly as she led her down the hall to Becca's bedroom. "I swear Puck spends more time out there every day."

"Finn's already mentioned that he could save on gas and beat the traffic if I'd let him have one." Rachel chuckled as they stepped into the bedroom, already marked off and ready for paint. "I don't know; he's sort of right, but they can be so _dangerous_, San. I couldn't stand it if he got hurt."

"Puck swears motherhood has made me soft, but I feel the same way." She tossed Rachel a brush, frowning apologetically at her friend's wince. "Sorry Rachie, I know you and Finn have been trying."

"S'ok, San, really." Rachel blinked back tears as she dipped her brush into a bucket of soft pink paint. "It's just that I _know_ Finn wants children; he's always dreamed of having a son, and family means so much to him. I just… I want to give him that."

"Rachel Hudson, you are my favorite hobbit, but maybe you and Finn need to stop trying so hard." Santana quickly continued when she spotted Rachel's shocked expression. "I mean maybe you just have to let it happen when it happens. Lord knows, Puck and I sure as hell weren't trying for baby number two."

The two women set about painting the room, turning their conversation to work at the community center. Santana was finishing up her residency, and she volunteered on a regular basis, helping families and children who couldn't afford health insurance and healthcare; Rachel helped with the music classes and often read to the younger children when she wasn't at rehearsal or costume fittings. The center had been unusually busy this summer, and they were seeing a lot of new faces among the children.

"Hoping it's a boy, huh?" Finn glanced over at his best friend with a sort of half smile.

"Yeah, can you imagine? Beck's a little mini San, which can be dangerous, so maybe we'll get a mini Puck to match. I wanna teach him to play football and when he gets old enough I'll teach him to pick up chicks." Puck paused, wiping a grease smudge off his arm. "Dude, I'm sorry. I know you and Shorty have been going at it like rabbits trying to get preggers."

"I don't know, man. When she isn't crying because she isn't pregnant she jumps me the minute I get in the door. Don't get me wrong; the sex is fucking awesome, and I'm pretty sure I get laid more than any married man on the planet. It's just that I hate seeing her hurting all the time 'cause we haven't had any success." Finn let out a sigh, rubbing his face with a free hand and leaving a grease smudge on his cheek. "I guess I kind of had this image of you and me having kids growing up at the same time, playing on the same football team and shit. It's kind of dumb."

"S'not dumb, Finny D." Puck could tell it was a sore subject.

"It's just hard; I want Rachel to be happy again, y'know?" Finn pulled in a breath. "I hate seeing her cry, and I know she feels like a failure. The doctors all say the same damned thing though; nothing is wrong with either of us so we just have to wait it out."

"On the plus side, you are getting plenty of action." Puck gave a shrug and a wink before turning his attention back to the motorcycle. "Dude, hand me that wrench over there."

Finn was grateful for the change of subject, and the two men went to work on the motorcycle; it wasn't until Santana appeared in the doorway that lead to the house three hours later, Rebecca gripping her fingers tightly, and declared that Becca wanted to know where her daddy was that Finn felt the familiar pang in his chest. He'd long moved past the Beth issue, but he couldn't help but feel a touch of envy at the way the little girl stared up at his best friend and reached out for him to pick her up; he wanted that desperately, and it was beginning to feel like it was never going to happen. Not that he would ever say that in front of Rachel, who was standing next to Santana with a sort of sad smile on her face.

Rachel's eyes met Finn's, and she could see the way he watched Puck and Rebecca; watching with Santana with her daughter gave her the same sort of feeling, and she fought to push it aside. Someday, she kept reminding herself; someday she'd have a family. But, for now, there was a sort of empty feeling, and she was trying desperately to keep it together for Finn's sake. He'd seen her cry enough over the past few months. Noah announced that his mother was flying in from Lima, and Rachel quickly announced that perhaps it was time for them to head home; Mrs. Puckerman was still fairly vocal about the fact that Noah should have married Rachel because she was a nice Jewish girl.

"I think I'll take my grease monkey home." She chuckled, flashing Finn an affectionate smile. "You'll need to get Becca there cleaned up and ready to see her Grandmother."

"Well, I guess playtime is over, dude." Finn laughed softly. "Call me and tell me if it runs; if it doesn't I'll come back next weekend."

"Have fun, Sannie, and don't tell her that I was here." Hugging Santana, Rachel chuckled when her friend whispered a plea not to leave her alone with Noah's mother, and she quickly reached out for Finn's hand.

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><p>Later that night, as they both lay snuggled beneath the sheets, Finn pressed a kiss to Rachel's forehead and pulled her so that her warm body was flush with his; he knew she was probably hoping that somewhere between the shower and the bed they'd created another Hudson, and part of him hoped so too.<p>

"It'll happen, Rach." He whispered softly in the darkness of the room. "We just have to give it time."

"Do you believe in miracles, Finn?" She whispered back. "Don't we deserve one of our own?"

"Our miracle will come, sweetheart." He kissed her temple as she curled her body as close as possible to his. "Our miracle is coming."


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N:** I hope everyone is enjoying this so far; it's breaking my heart, but I love it so much. This chapter takes place about three weeks after chapter one.

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><p>It started with good news, very good news for both of them, but, after that, it all spiraled downhill.<p>

A week before, Rachel had gone to her call back, and she was supposed to hear from the casting director's assistant any day now; she'd launched herself at the phone every time it rang for the past three days. The call came just before she left for the Center, and she was ecstatic; it was a dream role. Four phone calls later she was on her way to a meeting with the director to pick up her script. Today was a very good day for Rachel Hudson; the prospect of having a new show to work on was an excellent distraction from the worry over their attempts to have a child, and her therapist had told her time and again that she had to stop focusing on the negative aspects because the added stress was part of the problem. The moment her conversation with Finn ended, she was out the door.

He'd finally gotten a permanent byline, and it seemed like the universe was preparing for the fact that he was going to have a child to support; having a feature article in every issue meant a raise in pay, and while they were in no way having financial difficulties, extra money would certainly be helpful when they brought a child into the world. Rachel was still glowing about her role when he called to tell her that he was taking her out to dinner to celebrate, and he couldn't wait to surprise her with his promotion. Today was an extremely good day for Finn Hudson; he'd already submitted the ideas for his next article, and he was moving desks the next morning, finally getting away from Jensen, the idiot who bragged about his sexual exploits more often than Puck ever had. Jensen had taken one of his 'flavor of the week' girls to see the off Broadway production of RENT Rachel played Maureen in two years earlier, and upon finding out Finn was married to the 'little hottie in leather pants' the lewd comments had been almost never ending.

It started out pleasant; Finn managed to get reservations for Rachel's favorite Italian restaurant and had even secured her favorite table. It was difficult keeping a secret from his wife; Rachel Hudson was a very smart woman, and she rarely took no for an answer. Tonight, however, had been an exception because he had been able to convince her that they were celebrating her role; by six o'clock Rachel appeared in the doorway to their bedroom wearing a little red dress he hadn't seen before, and he was sorely tempted to skip dinner and stay in for celebratory sex instead. But he had promised her a night out, and they both deserved it. By dessert, however, something had gone terribly awry.

"So today, Thomas, our editor, called me into his office this morning, and I thought I was going to get fired for threatening to punch Jenson in the face." He chuckled softly at his wife's suddenly wide eyes. "But actually he gave me the second best news I've heard all day."

"Oh?" She lifted a delicate eyebrow and placed her fork back on the table.

"You know how I wrote that article on steroid use and college football players, the one that was featured in the last issue?" Rachel nodded with a smile; she made it a point to read everything he wrote. "Well, Thomas liked it so much that he's giving me my own featured article for every issue. I get to write about whatever I want, you know, within reason, and I don't have to be at the desk next to Jenson anymore."

"That's fantastic, Finn!" A bright smile lit up her face, and she clapped enthusiastically. "Things are looking up for us; I'm playing Fanny, and you got your byline. Now if only…"

"Hey, cheer up Little Diva." He reached for her hands across the table, filling in the fading of her voice with a nickname he hadn't used since they were in college. "Things are coming together for us, Rachel; I'm going to be making more money, and while I know you're going to be really busy with the show…"

"Wait!" Rachel cut in before he could finish, and he started to get that odd feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one that told him there was about to be an explosion. "Are you saying I'd be too busy with the show? Are you saying that just because I'm starting a new show I won't be interested in starting a family, even though I know that it's incredibly important to you?"

"No, baby, that's not what I was saying at all." But it was no use, Rachel was alright angry and it was going to get worse. "_Please_, Rach, calm down before you cause a scene."

"Do _not_ tell me to calm down, Finn Hudson, not when you are sitting there accusing me of being selfish enough to disregard our potential family simply because I landed a role I'd be dying to play since the first time I saw _Funny Girl_." Her voice was already increasing in volume, and he could see the tears in her eyes. "I'm so terribly sorry that I couldn't conceive a child on the first try, Finn. Maybe you should have married _Quinn_, after all she got pregnant the first time she ever had sex, and she wasn't obsessed with coming to New York and being a star. Maybe she wouldn't let her _career_ get in the way of having children the way you clearly think I am."

"Where the hell is all this coming from?" He buried his face in his hands for a moment; Quinn had not been an issue in their relationship since the end of their junior year of high school, even when she'd given one last try at taking him back from Rachel, and he didn't understand why Rachel was suddenly going on about her. "Baby, you are acting crazy; just calm down and think for a minute. Do you realize how crazy that sounds?"

"Crazy? So now you think I'm crazy." Rachel blinked hard, trying not to cry, and her voice shook. "Well if I'm so crazy then maybe we shouldn't have a child because we wouldn't want to pass on my _crazy genes _to our child."

"Will you just stop it? You sound absolutely ridiculous right now." He wasn't about to use the word crazy again. "Just calm down, Rach, and let's go home and talk about this."

"No, _I'm_ going home, Finn, and you can go sleep somewhere else." His jaw dropped, and he stared at her with an expression that could only mean 'where?' "Just don't come home tonight; sleep somewhere else because you are not going to come home and try to make this all better by getting into bed with me. I'm sure Noah will let you sleep on his couch or something."

Finn had already paid the check, and he stared as she swept the small white container holding her left over cake from the table; she had never told him not to come home before, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. He was, however, sure that Rachel was serious, and he prayed that this wasn't some terrible sign that their marriage was in danger. No, he refused to let that be the case; instead, he would give her time to cool off, and he would apologize for calling her crazy and ridiculous. He would make it right again, and they would talk about things. But for now, he was going to hail a cab and crash at Puck's; maybe his best friend wouldn't make stupid comments. Rachel already regretted her rash statement; telling Finn not to come home was a stupid thing to do, but she was too stubborn to turn around. Her anger and frustration at her own body's refusal to produce a child had boiled over into anger at Finn, and because of that she was going to sleep alone. Hot tears poured down her cheeks as she climbed into the cab, and she hugged her jacket to her chest; they would be alright, or at least she hoped they would. Things would cool down, and he would come home; she'd apologize for exploding, and they would talk about things like adults.

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><p>They had been together for nine years, married for about the last four, and they had not slept apart in almost seven of those years. He did the math in his head while he waited for Santana to bring blankets she'd promised, and he was grateful that Puck refrained from making more than one snide comment about him sleeping on the couch at their house. The idea of not waking up with Rachel in his arms was frightening, especially when he knew how upset she was, but she'd told him not to come home; she'd told him to sleep somewhere else tonight. His heart ached at the thought of her alone in their bed, crying, and he wanted so desperately to have his arms around her, kissing her tears away and making things right again. Santana entered the room with an arm load of blankets and tossed them in his lap; she wasn't angry with him for his fight with Rachel, which was a miracle, but she didn't seem too happy with the situation. Rebecca peeked around her mother's legs, looking up at Finn.<p>

"Finny?" He glanced down at the sleepy toddler, and he knew what she was going to ask. "Aun' Rachie?"

"She's at home, Becks…" He forced a soft smile. "Didn't feel good."

"Hey, Little Bit, it's bed time." Puck scooped up his daughter, rescuing his best friend for a moment. "How 'bout you go tell Mama to read you a story or sing you a song?"

"Mama sing!" Puck handed Rebecca to Santana, who carried their daughter to bed, and Finn felt a wave of jealousy and guilt.

"Is everything alright with you and Rach?" Finn sighed. "Dude, I know it's none of my business, but she's never kicked you out before."

"She's just so worked up over this baby thing; she got this part in this show she's been talking about since high school, and I thought maybe it would take her mind off trying to get pregnant. Well I said the wrong thing at dinner tonight, and she told me not to come home. She's so pissed." Puck shook his head. "We haven't had a real fight since college; that is until we started trying to have a kid. All the doctors say it's normal for stress to cause strain like this, but I hate fighting with her because it just ends in her crying. We went to see her therapist last week, and she said to just keep focusing on the positives. I'm trying, man; I really am. It's just that I want Rachel happy again, you know?"

"I get it." Finn raised an eyebrow. "When San's dad threatened to disown her because she got pregnant before we got hitched, she was a mess; I'm pretty sure she never would've made it if it hadn't been for Rachel, and I couldn't stand to see her crying all the time. I know it's fucking girly, but it does hurt to see 'em like that, 'specially when you can't fix it. But give her time, Stretch, and she'll come around."

Finn was soon alone in the living room, his face buried in his hands; he could hear Santana singing something in Spanish for Becca, probably a lullaby, and he imagined looking in on Rachel as she sang to their son or daughter. He'd never wanted anything more in his entire life than he wanted to have a family with Rachel. After arranging the pillows and blankets on the couch, he reached over and turned off the lamp next to him and sank onto the pillows; alone with his thoughts, he tried not to think about Rachel, alone in their home, but he just couldn't let it go. Reaching over he picked up his phone, typing out a quick text. _"I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm so sorry. I love you."_ He knew she wouldn't answer him, but he hoped that she would at least read it. In the darkness, he buried his face in the pillows, glad Santana and Puck were asleep so that they could not see the hot tears that streamed down his face or hear the soft sobs that shook his large frame. He needed her as much as she needed him.

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><p>The loft had never seemed emptier, and every small sound seemed to echo, right down to her heels clicking on the smooth floor; she let herself cry openly, throwing the small Styrofoam box containing her cake from the restaurant onto the counter so hard that it slid into the wall and fell to the floor, but she didn't have the will to pick it up. Her anger and frustration had boiled over, and she was terrified that this might be the beginning of the end for her marriage; of course, she knew such thoughts were irrational because Finn loved her and she loved him, but the strain of their attempts to have a child made things difficult at times. She was so tired of fighting; it wasn't fair. As the tears fell, Rachel felt the aching emptiness fill her; she needed Finn.<p>

"You want to tell me why your husband is sleeping on my couch?" Santana's voice filled her ears almost as soon as she finished dialing the number.

"We had a fight." Rachel paused for a moment, trying to hold back her tears. "I made a scene in the restaurant, and it was ugly."

"And you can't just kiss and make up and be the disgustingly perfect couple you always are?" New tears threatened to spill, and Santana seemed to sense the tension. "Oh, that bad?"

"Yes, that bad; I told him not to come home tonight." Rachel sobbed.

"It'll work itself out, Rachie; I promise. Whatever is wrong will fix because you and Finn are too disgustingly perfect together for it not to." The Latina wasn't usually much for hugging, but she sorely wished that she could hug Rachel and make her feel better. "He's hurting too, you know; sitting on my couch damn near pouting. He loves you."

"I know he does, and I love him; I just couldn't deal tonight." Rachel sighed softly, trying to ease the ache in her heart.

Ten minutes later she was standing under the hot water in her shower, trying to wash away the pain, but nothing seemed to help; she wrapped a towel around her body, holding it tight, and immediately began to rummage through the drawers that held Finn's t-shirts. Buried at the bottom of a drawer, she found her target, and a sad smile crept across her face as she pulled out the slightly faded red jersey; for a moment she pressed it to her face, breathing in the memories, before pulling it over her head. The jersey, which smelled faintly like her husband, covered her small frame like a dress, reaching her knees, and the large white five spread across her chest. There had been many nights during their first year of college when she slept in his jersey or his t-shirt because she missed him so much. The tears began to fall again as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror, and she collapsed onto the bed moments later; her phone buzzed, and she read the message from Finn, whispering to the empty room that she was sorry too. She hadn't meant that she didn't want him at home, and she regretted the decision to tell him to find somewhere else to sleep. Her arms wrapped around his pillow, and she buried her face in it, breathing in the scent that could only be described as Finn. She needed him; she needed his arms around her, holding her close and whispering that it would be alright, and she needed him to kiss away the pain.

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><p>"Rachel, you are my best friend and I love you, but you have to get the giant off my couch. Just let him come home."<p>

It had been four days since she told Finn not to come home, and Rachel knew that Santana was getting tired of having Finn on her couch; while he left early each morning and worked until late in the evening, Finn's camping in the Puckerman living room each night was somewhat unsettling. Becca asked for Rachel each night, too young to understand why Finn was there if Rachel wasn't, and Finn was practically a statue, speaking only to Puck. Rachel was ready for Finn to come home; she couldn't stand the empty loft anymore, and she missed her husband. She hadn't really slept in the past three days, and she was afraid that the dark circles were beginning to show; it was difficult to fall asleep without Finn close to her, and it was even worse not to wake up in his arms. It had been almost seven years since she'd experienced an empty bed.

"I want him home, San, trust me." She sighed, glancing at the . "I _need _him home, and no, I don't mean _that way_."

Rachel gave her friend a playful nudge when the Latina wiggled her eyebrows at her; the unlikely friendship of Santana Puckerman and Rachel Hudson was a miracle, or so Rachel tended to tell people. They were seated in the small room that served as the make shift clinic at the center, going through supplies and making a list of necessities, when Caroline knocked on the door. The tall red head who ran the center often reminded Rachel of Emma Pillsbury without the terrible advice and OCD, and most of the children were fond of her; Rachel thought she was a bit pushy at times, but she wasn't nearly as pushy as Sister Theresa, who ran the children's shelter next door. Rachel looked up as Caroline spoke, her eyes growing wide.

"I know this inventory is taking a long time, and I'm truly sorry that it's in such a mess; however, I was wondering if I could get the two of you to take a break and help me with Emma." Rachel recognized the name of the little girl who spent most of her time in the music room, plunking away at the piano, or in the reading room with the picture books. "Her arm is bleeding, and she won't let Matt touch her."

"I'll go see if I can do something; she seems to respond well to me, probably because I'm the music lady. I'll bet she's in the music room again." Rachel's lips twitched into a small sad smile. "San, I'll see if she'll come in here with me, and then you can handle her arm."

Sure enough, Rachel entered the music room a few minutes later to find that the little girl, who was a month away from her fourth birthday, had climbed onto the piano bench and was now plunking the keys; of course there was no real tune, but Rachel couldn't help but smile softly as she moved toward Emma. It took a few moments for the little girl to notice Rachel's presence, but when the toe of Rachel's shoe struck a fallen tambourine, Emma turned suddenly, her dark braided pigtails swinging wildly and her bright blue eyes wide. It broke Rachel's heart to see the four little reddish circles that had soaked into Emma's purple sleeves, and she pulled in a shaky breath.

"S-sorry, Miss Rachel." Emma occasionally stuttered, and Rachel had learned early on that acknowledging it made it worse. "I-I know we aren't suppose to touch w-when you aren't around."

"It's alright, Emma." Rachel settled onto the bench next to her. "Miss Caroline says your arm is bothering you again. Can I take a look?"

Emma hesitated, and Rachel watched her carefully, hoping the small girl would offer her arm for closer inspection; when she finally offer it, Rachel slowly and gently pushed the fabric of Emma's sleeve up her arm, stopping each time Emma tensed. It took all Rachel had not to cry, especially when Emma's eyes began to tear, and she fought back the urge to swear as she inspected the small wounds. Sister Theresa had informed Rachel a week ago when she brought Emma to the center in hopes of lifting her spirits that she had been removed from her father's care because of neglect, but it wasn't until that moment that she realized the full extent of Emma's situation. It appeared that Emma had been burned, probably with a cigarette; the scabs had broken loose, and she'd removed her bandages, causing the wounds to bleed. Rachel couldn't believe anyone would do that to an innocent child, and it turned her stomach. Trying to remain composed and calm, she slid off the bench and held out her hand for Emma to take.

"Come on sweetheart; let's have Miss San take a look at that arm." As Emma hopped down from the bench and placed her hand in Rachel's, the petite brunette suppressed the urge to pull her into a hug. "I bet if you are really brave, Miss San will give you one of her suckers; would you like that?"

Emma nodded enthusiastically, and she allowed herself to be lead to the 'clinic' room for first aid from Santana; Rachel was always slightly taken aback by the fact that Santana was so patient and gentle with her patients, but she supposed that time had mellowed her friend somewhat. With Emma settled in her lap, toying with the loose strings around a hole on her worn jeans, Rachel watched Santana mutter obscenities in Spanish under her breath as she tried to carefully clean the small wounds, and she was certain she heard the words Lima Heights Adjacent; she felt Emma's small body tense, and the tiniest whimper of pain reached Rachel's ears. Suddenly Emma was looking up at her with those ridiculously bright eyes, brimming with tears, and she muttered one word, "h-hurts", before burying her face in Rachel's t-shirt. Instinctively Rachel wrapped her arms protectively around her, humming softly, and Santana gently applied burn ointment and wrapped a clean bandage snugly around Emma's small arm.

"Cheer up Chiquita, we're all done." Santana's voice held a softness that Rachel knew was typically reserved for her daughter, and Emma finally pulled up to look at them again. "Cherry or grape?"

"Ch-cherry," the reply came through sniffles, and Santana handed Rachel a bright red sucker wrapped in pink cellophane.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it? You were a very brave girl." Rachel murmured as she unwrapped the candy and handed it to Emma. "Now, why don't you go see what Miss Caroline has planned for story time?"

Emma reluctantly slipped out of Rachel's lap, and after she left the room Rachel turned to Santana with unshed tear in her eyes; the two women worked in silence for the next hour. Neither of them really knew what to say. By the time the children were leaving, Santana and Rachel had completely finished the inventory and reorganized all the supply cabinets; it was astonishing what two women with nervous energy in spades could do. As usual, they stood outside the door while the children filed out and either were picked up by their parents or gathered around Sister Theresa to go back to the shelter, and Rachel felt a sudden embrace, catching her off balance momentarily; glancing down, she couldn't contain the smile that flickered across her face as Emma hugged her tightly, and she bent slightly to hug her back. Rachel would call Sister Theresa when she got home and talk to her about Emma because there had to be something she could to help her.

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><p>"Jesus, Hudson, will you just keep your eyes open for five more minutes?" Thomas's voice made him snap to attention.<p>

He had nearly dozed off three times in the monthly concept meeting, and only the fact that his concept for this month's article had been brilliant saved him from as Finn put it "an ass chewing of epic proportions." He hadn't slept in four days, not really, and he hadn't bothered to shave; he needed sleep, and he needed Rachel. He hadn't been back to their loft in three days, not since he went back to grab a bag with some clothes to take to Pucks; he hadn't been sure Rachel would be ready for him to come home, and so he wasn't going to push her. Today was different. As he left the office, he knew where he needed to be; he was going home.

He took a cab to Puck's and picked up his bag, then stopped by Rachel's favorite cupcake shop to pick up two strawberry shortcake cupcakes before taking the cab home; the loft was almost silent when he stepped inside, and all he could hear as he walked down the hall was the shower running in their bathroom. The image of his wife in the shower, water running down her body, made him almost ache, and he had to remember to breathe. Now really wasn't the time to think about sex; although, the idea of slowly reacquainting himself with her body was terribly inviting. He tossed his bag on the floor next to the closet and sank onto their bed to remove his shoes and tie, and he almost didn't notice when Rachel silently entered the bedroom until she cleared her throat. Allowing himself to stare openly, he took in the way the simple pink towel wrapped tightly around her chest and the way her damp hair hung over her left shoulder; there were dark circles under her eyes that matched his own, and he knew that she hadn't been sleeping either. When she stepped closer, he could see the tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Finn; I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have shouted like that. I just get so scared, Finn; I'm so afraid it won't ever happen, and I get so angry at my body. But I can't, I can't make my body do what I want so I get angry at everything else." Rachel allowed him to gather her in his arms, and she buried her face in his chest; he could feel her tears through the thin material of his shirt. "I shouldn't have told you not to come home; it was an awful thing to do, and I didn't mean it. It was so empty here without you; I can't, Finn. I can't live here alone."

"It's ok, baby; I know you didn't mean it. We're both a little bit more excitable lately, and we say things we don't mean. We just have to remember that we love each other; no matter how hard things are, Rach, I love you more than anything. We can do _anything_." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, holding her closer as she almost sobbed in his arms. "You don't have to be alone; I won't leave you here alone again. I promise."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was barely a whisper. "It was all my fault."

'No, Rach, I'm sorry too. I get angry too; I'm mad at myself because I can't seem to get you pregnant, and I'm mad at the universe for being unfair. I shouldn't have said you were crazy, and I shouldn't have said you were ridiculous. I knew you were upset, and I should've been more understanding." She finally let her eyes meet his, and he was relieved to see that the tears had almost stopped. "I messed up too, Rach, and I'm sorry."

"Don't let me tell you not to come home again, Finn. Promise me you'll always come home." Her lips softly met his, and her fingers graved his cheeks, feeling the tickle of the slightly scruffy beard that had begun to grow there. "Promise."

"Always." He murmured the words against her lips as he kissed her slowly and tenderly. "You _are_ my home, Rachel."

She whispered his name, and he shifted his weight to gently lay her on the bed, his hands tugging the towel so that it fell away from her body; he pulled in a sharp breath as he let himself take all over her in, and she reached for him, her hands lacing through his hair as he kissed her again. She pulled him flush against her body, and he allowed himself to melt into her. This time they would take their time, relearning each other's bodies as if they had been apart for years; this time they wouldn't try for a baby or even think about it.

"Finn?" Her voice reached his ears in the silence of their room, and he felt her lips press to his bare chest.

"Yeah, baby?" He let his fingers trail through her hair.

"T-today, I met a little girl who doesn't have a mother." He felt her tense against him, and he wrapped his arm protectively around her body, pulling her closer; it wasn't often that Rachel stuttered like this, and he knew it meant that something had upset her. "A-and her father, he h-hurt her."

"What do you mean _hurt her_, Rach?" He immediately regretted asking because Rachel began to cry as she related Emma's story, how her mother had died and her father was a drunken idiot who burned her and shoved her around and spent all his money on beer and cigarettes, and he felt the rage swelling in his chest. "She's not still living with that bastard, is she?"

"No. She lives at St. Mark's Children Shelter, next to the center." She bit her lip hard. "But her arm, Finn, that monster burned her little arm with cigarettes; she was so scared that she wouldn't let Matt touch her today, and I had to hold her in my lap while San cleaned her arm and put bandages on it. She was shaking so hard and crying, and she kept looking at me with the big bright blue eyes full of tears. And then this afternoon when she was leaving, she hugged me so tightly, like she didn't want to let go."

"Sounds like you were able to help her, baby, and that makes it a little better." He held Rachel tight against his side, wishing that he could make her feel better.

"I just wish I could do more, Finn. She's so little, and so young; she's the sweetest little girl I've ever seen." She swallowed hard, looking up at him. "I want to help her, Finn."

"I know you do, Rach; I know you do." He stared at the ceiling, wonder why an asshole like the man who hurt Emma was allowed to have a child while his wife, who was kind and gentle and wonderful with kids, wasn't; it just didn't seem fair at all.


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: **I want to thank everyone who has read this fic, and especially those who left a review. I really appreciate it because this fic has become like my baby, and each chapter is carefully written so that I handle everything with the right amount of delicacy.

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><p>It had been an eventful two months, and, as Finn and Puck sat on the couch watching a football game on television, Rachel busied herself in the kitchen with Santana, baking a cake shaped like a butterfly; when Finn had questioned the purchase, Rachel had simply announced that it was for a birthday cake, and she would not say more. He knew immediately that it was for Emma, who had returned to the children's shelter a week earlier, and he didn't argue with her decision. Rachel had made it her mission to help the little girl who had entered her life so suddenly and then suddenly vanished; Finn recalled the nearly four weeks of panic and worry Rachel experienced and the way he'd heard her interrogate Sister Theresa over the phone in her quest for information.<p>

"I don't know, man; Rach is pretty damned focused on this little girl." Finn glanced over his shoulder to see his wife chasing Santana away from the bowl of cake batter. "She spent hours on the phone with the nun that runs the children's shelter trying to find out what happened to her, and she went off the deep end when she found out Emma was with her father. I don't blame her; I still want to hunt the bastard down and see how he likes being burned with fucking cigarettes and starving."

"The day you decide to do it, I'll come with you; what kind of sick son of bitch does that?" Puck finished the beer in his hand, shaking his head.

"I just worry that she's getting attached, you know? And I don't want her to get her hopes up and fall in love with the idea of having this little girl when for all we know she could go into the system one day and then get adopted. I don't think I could take it if she got her heartbroken again."

"Wait, does this mean you aren't trying to have a kid of your own now?" Puck raised an eyebrow, and Finn shook his head.

"No, we're still trying, but Rachel's got it in her head that she is supposed to help Emma, like it's some mission she's been given; I don't know, maybe she's right." Finn paused for a moment, and he could hear Rachel laughing in the kitchen. "We still want kids of our own, and Rachel is still set on a family; it's just that maybe we aren't there yet, and helping this little girl is a part of getting there."

Santana came in from the kitchen, licking batter from her finger, and Puck immediately stood up; Finn couldn't help but notice the difference in his friend's behavior and demeanor. Puck seemed to almost coo over his pregnant wife, and when he thought no one was paying attention, he would bend to speak to his unborn child in a soft tone that was very 'un Puck-like'; Finn glanced over to see that Puck was whispering something to Santana's abdomen and grinning, and he felt a sudden pang of jealousy; Santana was only two months along, and while they still didn't know the sex of the baby, Puck was still swearing that he was going to have a son. When Rachel entered the room, dusting her hands on her jeans, Finn was glad to see that she was still in a fairly good mood. Sometimes spending time with Santana left Rachel feeling more than a little distressed, but tonight she seemed to be her usual chipper self.

"Finny!"

"Yeah, babe?" He tried to ignore Puck's too-perfect imitation of Rachel's voice and focus on his wife.

"Did you pick up those candles for me, and the coloring books? I'm fairly certain she's never had a real birthday cake or a present, and I intend to give her that."

"I got them, Rach, and I got a box of crayons, one of the big boxes of Crayolas." She rewarded his thoughtfulness with a quick kiss, ignoring the gagging noises from Santana and Puck.

Two hours later, Rachel was tinting bowls of frosting and trying to prevent Finn from sampling it before it could be used to decorate the butterfly shaped cake that now rested on a simple cake plate on the counter; Puck and Santana had already gone home, hoping to find that Rebecca's babysitter had put her to bed already. Rachel hummed softly as she stirred, attempting not to stain her fingers with food dye, and soon there were bowls of soft pink, purple, and blue frosting ready to use. Finn watched with mild amusement as his wife concentrated on decorating the cake perfectly, her tongue sticking out between her teeth as she worked carefully; when she was finished, he pulled her into his arms, holding her close, and she smiled up at him.

"I know you probably think I'm being silly, doing all this, but thank you sweetheart." Her fingers gripped his shirt, and she pulled him down in order to kiss him. "I just – I can't stand it, Finn. She's so sweet, and she never complains or causes trouble. They sent her back to that horrible man, simply because he promised to change; I asked Sister Theresa, and she said there was very little evidence to show that he really had changed. I'm sure there was more to it than that, but it's just so sad. She deserves better than that."

"I know, baby, and I think it's really great that you're helping." He kissed the top of her head and swiftly scooped her into his arms. "You are going to make a terrific mom, Rachel, and our kids are going to be so lucky to have you."

"You'll be a wonderful father; I just know it." Her arms slid around his neck, and she pressed a kiss to his lips; he carried her to their bedroom, trying not to trip over things as he went.

Rachel left the theater as soon as rehearsal ended, much to everyone's surprise, and she rushed home to change and pick up the cake and gift that she had left neatly on the counter; she was glad that Emma's birthday came on a day when rehearsal ended early in the afternoon, otherwise her plans would not have worked out well at all. Arriving at the center, she noticed that Santana had already started with the decorations, and she greeted her with a smile; the Latina was already starting to show her pregnancy, and Rachel laughed that she noticed the marked change in her friend's wardrobe, gone were the tighter sweaters and skinny jeans. Now she wore looser blouses and dresses, and sometimes she remarked that she looked like Quinn Fabray's high school closet puked on her.

"Where are the children?" Rachel asked without glancing up from arranging the table.

"Caroline has them in the other room, watching a movie." Santana stood on a step stool, lifting the 'Happy Birthday, Emma' banner a bit higher. "It'll be over soon, and they'll be hungry for snack time."

"Did you get the ice cream?" Santana pointed with the scissors she was using to cut ribbon, and her eyes followed the line to a small blue cooler. "Thanks, San; I just really want this to be special."

"I get it, Rachie; you want her to have a real birthday party like she deserves, and I'm glad. Little girl deserves some happiness after all she has been through." Rachel sighed, lighting the candles when she heard Caroline announce that the children should all line up at the door.

As soon as Caroline lead the children into the room, with Emma at the front of the line, Rachel began to sing "Happy Birthday", and Santana quickly joined her, followed by everyone else in the room; reaching for Emma's hand, Rachel lead her to the table, encouraging her to blow out the candles on the cake and make a wish as the song ended. The bright smile that lit up the little girl's face was almost enough to make Rachel forget the fact that Emma had been complaining that her arm ached and that there was some swelling there. Sister Theresa hoped that they would be able to convince the little girl to let them take her to the doctor to have it examined. As the children all sat in a circle sometime later, having had their fill of cake and ice cream, Emma was lead to the center of the group, and Rachel began handing her the gifts; several of the other children had brought small presents.

Soon enough Emma was seated next to a small stack of books and coloring books with a stuffed blue hippo in her lap; Santana and Puck had decided that they too would get Emma a gift; but Puck had forgotten at the last minute, and when he was sent out to get the stuffed bear Santana had seen on her way to work, they were sold out. He thought the hippo was funny, and apparently Emma was already quite fond of it; Rachel was sure that Puck would get an earful from his wife but that he would gloat about his victory.

"And this one is from my husband Finn and me." She handed her the pink bag in which Finn had placed the coloring book and crayons, and as soon as Emma opened it, she stood and threw her arms around Rachel's waist and stuttered a thank you; Rachel's eyes widened when she realized that Finn had tucked a second part of the gift into bag.

"I've n-never had a stuffed animal before, and n-now I have two." Rachel blinked back tears as Emma pulled away and held up the purple teddy bear; it was almost an exact replica of her own bear Grape.

"I'll be sure to tell him to like it." Emma practically glowed, and Rachel couldn't help but smile.

"T-tell him I said thank you. He n-never even met me." Rachel nodded, making a mental note to tell Finn he was her hero.

Sister Theresa entered the room a few minutes later, and she and Caroline pulled Rachel aside; it seemed that they had managed to get Emma an appointment to have her arm examined, but Sister Theresa could not take her because she had to handle an inspection by the city. After a discussion of the best options and the necessity of Emma's appointment, Rachel volunteered to take her, but the appointment was too early in the morning for her to pick her up from the shelter; there was only one viable solution, and she wasn't sure how well it would work.

Finn was in a fairly good mood when he stepped out of the cab in front of their building, and as he pressed the button on the elevator, he hummed to himself; there would probably be left over cake from the party, and Rachel would be in a cheerful mood and not thinking about their upcoming appointment with the fertility doctor, which had gotten her upset before she left for rehearsal that morning. When he reached apartment and unlocked the door, he called out Rachel's name; a small startled cry came from the living room, and he stepped into the room he was met by a pair of the widest and brightest blue eyes. The little girl leapt from her seat at the coffee table, scattering crayons, and she gathered her stuffed animals and hid behind the couch, peeking over the arm at him. He wasn't sure what to do.

"Rachel!" He hated to leave the little girl alone, but he had to find his wife. "Rachel?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" Rachel's voice took on a soft innocent tone when he found her in their guest bedroom, making up the bed, and she bit her lip softly.

"Do you want to tell me why there is a tiny girl I've never seen before hiding behind our couch, Rach?"

"Finn, that is Emma, and she is staying with us for the night." Finn lifted a brow, but Rachel seemed unaffected by his disbelief. "Sister Theresa made her an appointment to have her arm examined; we think it might be broken. I volunteered to take her in the morning, but it meant that she was going to stay here for the night."

"Rachel," she winced at his tone. "You didn't think to call me or ask how I felt about it? You just decided that it was a good idea? Didn't we talk about this, about how communication was important? Rachel, you can't just decide to do things like this and not talk to me about it?"

"I know that, but it was an emergency; she _needed_ to go to the doctor, and no one else could take her." Rachel looked up at him sheepishly, worrying her bottom lip as she tried to explain. "Our director is giving us the day off anyway."

"Baby, I know this is important to you, but to volunteer to take a child into our home, without asking me about it, was wrong. It's a big responsibility." Finn found it difficult to be angry with her, especially while her lower lip trembled and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry, Finn; I just… I wanted to…" He pulled her into his arms, holding her tight against him.

"I know, Rach; I know. It's alright." His lips pressed to the top of her head, and he felt her smile against his chest.

Five minutes later, Rachel was in the living room, trying to coax Emma from behind the couch while Finn stood confused; he wasn't sure how to react to the fact that she was actually afraid of him. He'd met the kids at the center several times, and most of the time they just stared up at him with wide eyes and asked how he got so tall; this was the first time a child had actually hidden from him, and it didn't seem as though his height that frightened her so much as the fact that he seemed to be a very large man. He wondered if she was afraid of all men, and he felt a sudden urge to find the little girl's father and beat the living fuck out of him for doing whatever he did to make her so afraid. Finally, he knelt so that he wasn't towering over his wife and Emma.

"Hey, I see Rachel gave you your bear!" He smiled. "Do you like him? I bought Rachel one just like him when we first moved here; she named hers Grape. Rach, why don't you go get Grape so Emma can see they match?"

"Alright." Rachel pulled in a shaky breath and left the room, calling as she did. "I'll be right back."

"Emma?" Finn kept his voice as soft as he could, trying not to sigh when she ducked rapidly behind the couch again. "Emma, why don't you come out? I won't hurt you; I promise. I only look scary 'cause I'm so tall, but I'm really nice. Just ask Rachel."

"Y-you picked out Beary?" Emma came slowly around the edge of the couch, hugging the bear tight against her chest. "I like him very much."

"I'm glad. Do you want to know a secret?" He smiled slightly, keeping his voice soft and even. "When Rachel is sad or scared, sometimes she hugs her bear like that."

"Really?" Emma took a few steps forward when Finn nodded.

"Why don't you bring Beary to the kitchen, and we'll see if we can find where Rachel hides the cookies." Emma nodded eagerly, and Finn slowly stood up, holding out his hand in hopes that she might place her hand in his; for a moment she hesitated, staring up at him with those bright blue eyes as if trying to see into his soul, but then she placed her tiny hand in his.

Rachel reentered the room moments later to find that they had gone to the kitchen, where Emma sat, nibbling on a gingersnap, with Beary in her lap and Hippo on the stool next to her; she glanced over to see her husband leaning against the bar with the ceramic cookie jar in his hands, and he offered her a sheepish smile. She had to admit that Emma seemed far less frightened of him now, as he placed the jar back on the shelf and poured a cup of milk for her. Granting him a kiss on the cheek, Rachel set about making grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for their supper.

Later that night, as she tucked Emma into bed, Rachel was struck by just how right it felt, and she glanced back to see Finn watching her from the doorway. She gave him a small smile before turning back to Emma, who was curled up with Beary and Hippo in her arms, and, humming softly, she pressed a kiss her forehead and switched on a small lamp next to the bed to serve as a sort of night light in case she was frightened of the dark.

"Finn and I will be just down the hall if you need us, alright Emma?" She whispered, turning off the bedroom light and leaving the room. "Good night, sweetie."

"You know, there's something perfect about watching you with her, Rach." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "You're so good with her, babe; you'll be a terrific mom someday."

"I wish I could be her mother, Finn. She needs a mother so desperately; she needs someone who will love her and hold her and tuck her in at night." With a soft sigh, Rachel let her fingers lace with his, and she followed beside him down the hall to their bedroom. "It isn't fair."

"I know, babe; I know." Her gave her a sort of half smile and pulled her closer as they reached their bedroom.

Standing on her toes, Rachel reached up to pull Finn into kiss, a small gasp escaping her lips when he swiftly scooped her into his arms and gently shut the door with his foot before carrying her to the bed; the petite woman giggled softly, pulling him with her onto the bed, and her lips caught his in a quick kiss.

The room was completely dark when she heard the small scream from down the hall, and she sat bolt upright in bed, pulling the sheets around her bare chest; frightened, Rachel shook Finn's shoulder until he groaned and rolled over to face her. She was already tugging a night shirt over her head when Finn insisted that he would get out of bed to check on Emma and reached for his pajama pants by the bed; before either of them could get out of bed the door swung open and a small figure appeared, framed in the doorway with the hall light shining behind her, and Finn had to try to put on his pants under the sheets to avoid a very uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. Emma was standing there, Beary hugged tightly to her chest, and Rachel pulled in a breath.

"I-I had a bad dream." The little girl's voice was a sleepy whisper, and Finn slipped from the bed.

"Come here, little one." He scooped her into his arms and brought her back to the bed, and when they were close enough, Rachel could tell that she had been crying. "It's alright."

Finn rocked her gently in his arms as he sat on the bed next to his wife, but Emma was still trembling and crying quietly; neither of them had ever had much experience when it came to comforting a crying child. Sure, they had kept Becca a couple of times for Puck and Santana, but she had never been much of a crier; this was brand new territory for the couple, and Rachel wasn't sure how to handle it. Emma had buried her head into Finn's chest, and Finn was humming softly; the expression on his face was one of confusion and helplessness, but Rachel could only think of what an amazing father he was going to be someday. Nothing seemed to be helping, and Finn felt tears welling in his eyes as he tried desperately to soothe the little girl in his arms. Finally, Rachel held out her arms, and after a bit of coaxing Emma settled in her lap, clinging to Rachel's shirt.

"Shhhh, it's alright, sweetie; I know you're scared, but I've got you." She murmured against her hair, her voice shaking slightly. "It was just a dream, but it's all over now. Don't cry, Emma."

"Rach, I don't know what to do." Finn whispered; quickly, Rachel searched her mind for a lullaby, something to quell Emma's fears and help her sleep.

"Oh, I've got it! My daddy used to sing this to me when I was upset and couldn't sleep." She smiled softly. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; you make me happy when skies are gray."

Rachel sang quietly, rocking Emma in her arms, and Finn found himself staring; he's always dreamed of moments like this, watching Rachel sing to a little girl or boy in her arms, and for a moment he let himself pretend that Emma was their daughter. "_You'll never know dear / How much I love you / So please don't take / My sunshine / Away"_ Rachel's voice was soft and beautiful, and, though he'd heard her sing a thousand times before, he couldn't quite get over how different it sounded at that moment. He knew it was a bad idea, getting attached to a little girl who would probably end up in the system or adopted, but he wanted so badly to have his own family and in that moment he could see it so clearly. Emma was drifting off in Rachel's arms, and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. When she finally fell asleep, they had no choice but to arrange the bed and make room for Emma to sleep between them; Finn didn't want to risk waking her up by trying to carry her back to the guest bedroom, and Rachel agreed immediately, though she wasn't sure how well they could make it work. But soon enough, Emma snuggled into Finn's spare pillow, and Finn and Rachel were curled up on either side of her, facing each other; Rachel continued to hum softly until they both fell asleep.

The sun peeked through the curtains to find Emma snuggled into Rachel's chest and Rachel's fingers intertwined with Finn's; he woke first, which was unusual even though she normally didn't go to the theater until ten for rehearsals, and his lips twitched into a small smile at the sight of his wife and Emma. Careful not to move too suddenly, he slipped from the bed and grabbed a t-shirt from the drawer, hoping that he wouldn't disturb them, but Rachel stirred quietly and looked up at him with a sleepy smile, her arms wrapping around the sleeping child who murmured softly in her sleep. She knew that she needed to get out of bed and get started with the day, especially since Emma's appointment was at ten, but she was reluctant to move; she sat up slowly and settled Emma back into the bed. Once she was out of the bed, she tucked the blankets around her, and Finn wrapped his arms around her from behind, holding her tight against the warmth of his chest. They could be a family, she let herself think for the briefest of moments; they could give Emma the family she deserved.

"Come on, babe; let's go get breakfast started. She'll be alright until then." Finn whispered, kissing her cheek.

Taking his hand, she followed him into the kitchen, and together they began making breakfast; cooking in the Hudson kitchen was always a challenge because Finn was cooking meat and Rachel was avoiding it. They'd long since gotten used to the idea that meals were often large with plenty of leftovers because almost everything had to be done in two versions, and everything seemed almost choreographed as they moved; soon the smell of coffee and cooking bacon filled the room, and Rachel was humming happily as she stirred pancake batter. When her back was turned, Finn shook a bag of chocolate chips into the bowl, and he had them stirred into the batter before she could turn back around; she didn't notice until after she poured the first pancake, and she gave him a playful slap on the arm when she realized what he'd done. His response was to wiggle his eyebrows at her and return to the stove, where he was making hot chocolate. It seemed that the sounds of their laughter and the smell of breakfast had finally reached the bedroom because a few minutes later Emma appeared, dragging Beary and Hippo as she looked around with sleepy eyes.

"Good morning Little Bit, hungry?" Finn quickly removed the pot he was stirring from the stove and smiled at the tiny girl who was trying to crawl onto a stool; with a soft chuckle, he walked around the bar and scooped her up, settling her on the seat. "How does chocolate chip pancakes and hot chocolate for breakfast sound?"

"Good." The response was shy, and judging from her wide eyes, it was more than she was used to.

"Alrighty, there's bacon too; I'll make sure you get the real stuff cause Rachel doesn't eat it." Emma nodded eagerly, and Finn couldn't help but laugh as Rachel passed him with a plate stacked with chocolate chip pancakes and placed it on their small dining room table.

They sat around the table, with Emma boosted by a pillow from the couch, and Rachel sipped her coffee thoughtfully, unable to stop wondering what it would be like if they were a real family; she could tell Finn was thinking about it too, and it broke her heart. They tried to smile, and Rachel convinced Emma to tell them all about things she liked to do; a bright smile lit up her face as she lifted forkfuls of pancake to her mouth and chattered about coloring and dancing and stories, and the room was soon filled with laughter. By the time breakfast was over the phone in Finn's office was ringing, and he rushed away from the table to answer it, leaving Rachel to clear away the dishes while Emma finished her hot chocolate. When Finn returned to the room he looked frustrated, and Rachel knew almost immediately that he was not getting his regularly scheduled Friday off from the office to work from home. He'd planned on accompanying his wife, but now he had to go in for a few hours to attend a sales meeting.

"Sorry, baby, I really did want to come with you today, but Thomas called an emergency sales meeting, probably about ads again." His explanation came with a soft sigh, and Rachel wrapped her arms around his waist in a quick hug.

"It's alright Finn; Emma and I can manage." She bit her lip. "I suppose I will probably take her to her appointment and then probably to lunch for a treat."

"Wish I could come along, but duty calls." He lowered his voice, hoping Emma wouldn't hear his next words. "I guess after that you'll go to the center, and Emma will go back to the children's shelter?"

"I suppose so." Rachel nodded sadly before quickly changing the subject. "Looks like we'd better get ready to go; Finn, you can shower in our bathroom after I get Emma set up in the guest bathroom for a bubble bath before we leave."

"Bubbles?" Emma perked up immediately, and Rachel looked down to see a pair of bright blue eyes looking up at her eagerly.

"Do you like bubbles?" Finn chuckled softly. "I bet we have a big bottle of Becca's bubbles left."

"You'd better hurry, darling; you'll be late." Rachel stood on her toes to kiss him before leading Emma toward the guest bathroom.

Twenty minutes later Finn wandered into the guest bedroom to find Rachel laying out an outfit for Emma, and he could hear splashing from the bathroom; the clothing and the pink bag were well worn, and Finn couldn't help but wonder when the last time someone had gotten her new things was. Rachel turned, and he indicated the tie that hung loosely around his neck; quickly, Rachel tied the knot, straightened the tie, and adjusted the collar of his shirt, her fingers brushing his neck. He pulled her into a kiss, his arms encircling her waist and lifting her off the floor for a brief moment before releasing her. With one last kiss and a murmured I love you, he rushed from the room to pick up his briefcase and leave the apartment, leaving Rachel to convince Emma to leave the bathtub and get dressed for her appointment.

By the time they arrived at Dr. Gregory's office, Emma was complaining that her arm was sore, and Rachel had noticed some swelling when she wrapped it in the ace bandage she'd borrowed from Finn's gym bag; even with an appointment, they had been waiting ten minutes and were sure to be waiting longer, and so Rachel offered a coloring book and crayons to Emma, who was seated in the chair next to her hugging Beary tighter than ever and staring around the office with wide eyes. Rachel shared the young girl's feelings of discomfort, even though she claimed to have an immune system made of steel; she tried to keep Emma distracted, humming softly while she neatly colored pictures of ponies. A soft sigh of relief escaped when the nurse finally called Emma's name, and Rachel felt her squeeze her hand tightly as she lead her back to the examining room; helping her onto the table, Rachel sat across from Emma in a small chair, humming softly to soothe her nerves as well as the scared girl who watched her. After a few minutes, a nurse entered to check Emma's weight and height, as well as a few other vitals, before leaving them alone once more.

"Alright, Miss Emma!" An overly chipper voice startled them both, and a woman who looked to be in her mid-fifties entered the room. "They tell me you've got some problems with that arm of yours. So let's take a look."

"D-do I have to?" Emma bit her lip, her gaze never leaving Rachel.

"It's ok, Emma; it won't take long." Rachel stood up, and the doctor lifted an eyebrow at her small stature. "We'll get you all better, and then your arm won't hurt anymore."

Reluctantly, Emma offered her arm, and Rachel watched as Dr. Gregory unwound the bandage and carefully examined it; she knew that an x-ray was probably in order, and so she wasn't in the least surprised when it was suggested. Holding Emma's free hand, Rachel sat next to the table, trying to keep her calm during the x-ray, and she could feel the little girl trembling; she already knew that the arm was broken, and she was sure that it was a pretty bad break from the way it had been swelling. Rachel fought back a wince when Emma whimpered, and from the look on Dr. Gregory's face, she could tell she'd been right about the injury.

"Looks like a spiral fracture, we'll definitely have to put a cast on it." After Rachel helped Emma from the table and a nurse lead her back to the examining room, Dr. Gregory pulled Rachel aside. "Do you have any idea what happened to her?"

"She won't tell anyone, but Sister Theresa suspects that her father, probably in a drunken fit, twisted her arm; she's been taken from his custody, and I'm sure charges have been filed." Rachel didn't bother to hold back the bite in her tone; the two women walked back to the examining room to find Emma had decided on purple for the color of her cast.

"Just a little while longer, sweetheart." Rachel settled Emma into her lap so that she could hold her as Dr. Gregory worked on the light purple cast. "Once this is done, we'll go get some lunch, ok? And then maybe ice cream. Would ice cream make you feel better?"

"Y-yes," Emma nodded, still biting her lip and wincing slightly, and Rachel hugged her tightly.

"Please tell me that disgusting cretin is behind bars." Rachel stood in front of Caroline's desk, looking between the director of the center and Sister Theresa; she was practically seething. "He twisted her tiny arm until it broke for no reason at all; Dr. Gregory showed me the x-ray film."

"Rachel, dear, you need to calm down. We've done all that we can for the time being." Sister Theresa seemed shaken. "What is best for Emma is stability and as much care as we can give her."

"I understand that, but I want to know what has been done."

"Sister Theresa reported the incident to Children's Services, and they handle it from there." Caroline let out an exasperated sigh. "We have no control over the situation now, and we are simply doing our best to make sure Emma is happy and comfortable. As soon as we know anything, we will let you know."

"Thank you, Caroline; I don't mean to snap. I'm just outraged by the idea that the man who did this might get away with it."

"I assure you that will not be the case." Sister Theresa said slowly, and Rachel pulled in a breath, heading out of the office.

Three hours later, Rachel and Santana were cleaning up after an arts and crafts project that had covered the table with so much glitter that Santana was swearing that she would never allow glitter in her house ever. They quietly discussed the situation with Emma, and the conversation turned to Rachel and Finn's attempts to start a family; Emma was sitting in the middle of a large group of children who were all attempting to sign her cast, and Rachel breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't seem as distressed as she had after her visit with Dr. Gregory. The sound of Caroline and Sister Theresa clapping their hands to gain the children's attention shook Rachel from her conversation, and she and Santana herded the few older children who were helping with the clean up toward the line to go home. Rachel felt a sudden tug on her sweater, and she glanced down to see Emma, looking anxiously up at her.

"Miss Rachel, c-can I go home with y-you again?" Rachel swallowed thickly.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but that's not allowed. Last night was a onetime thing because you needed to see the doctor." Emma's lower lip trembled, and Rachel's heart began to shatter.

"I promise to be good; please, Miss Rachel, please can I go home with you?" The tears in her bright eyes made Rachel want to pull her close.

"I'm sorry—"

"I heard you tell Miss San that you wanted a little girl; I could be your little girl." Rachel felt tears begin to sting her eyes. "D-didn't you and Finn like me? Wasn't I good?"

"Emma, sweetheart, I'm so sorry, but that's not how it works. I can't just take you home." Emma began to cry in earnest, and Rachel fought to keep her composure. "It's against the rules. I wish I could, but I can't."

Sister Theresa gave Rachel a sympathetic glance as she reached for Emma's hand, and Rachel had to turn away the moment she began leading Emma toward the rest of the children. She could still hear the soft sobs as she hurried away to catch her cab, ignoring Santana's shouts. This wasn't fair.


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N: ** I apologize for the long wait between chapters; this was exceptionally hard to write, and I wanted it to be worth the wait.

* * *

><p>For six weeks Rachel had refused to go back to the center; she insisted that she was simply too busy and too tired, but Finn knew that it wasn't the truth. She'd sobbed for hours after the incident with Emma, and then she'd refused to discuss it. No amount of pleading from Sister Theresa and Caroline, berating from Santana, or reasoning from Finn changed her mind. Instead she went to rehearsal every morning and came home every afternoon, walking through the days like a zombie completely lost; sometimes she had these nightmares where she'd wake up crying and it would take him an hour just to get her to stop shaking. Finn had never felt so helpless in his life; there was nothing he could do to fix things for his wife, and it was killing him. What was worse was the fact that he had no idea what had happened other than that it was something to do with Emma. He could see no other option, and so on his way home from the office he directed the cab driver to take him to the center.<p>

He headed straight to Caroline's office, determined to get to the bottom of the situation, and as he passed the room where the children were gathered to watch a movie he spotted a familiar pair of piercing bright blue eyes; there was something about the way that little girl looked at him, as if he could rescue her, that shook him to his core. He'd give anything to be able to help her, but he just didn't know how. Knocking on Caroline's office door, he slipped quietly inside, and Caroline gestured for him to take a seat at her desk; he'd only met her a few times, mostly when Rachel asked him to help her with something for the center or asked him to meet her there because she didn't want to take a cab home by herself late at night.

"This is a surprise, Finn. What brings you here to see me?" Caroline smiled softly, but he knew she was disappointed that Rachel hadn't been there in so long. "I haven't seen you in weeks or Rachel; how is she?"

"She's—well she's been upset. What happened three weeks ago, Caroline? I know it had something to do with Emma." He kept his voice even, but he couldn't keep the worry out of it. "Whatever happened has her all turned around, and I can't seem to do anything to help her."

"Emma asked Rachel if she could stay with the two of you; it seems that she's very attached to Rachel, and her little stay at your home was so enjoyable that she wanted to repeat the experience." Finn pulled in a breath. "Of course, it's against the rules, but there was more than that. Apparently she overheard Rachel mention your desire for a child, and well—"

"I think I understand. You know that Rachel and I are trying to start a family, right?" Caroline nodded slowly. "Emma's situation just added to the hurt she was already feeling due to our difficulties; you know Rachel, she feels _everything_, and she can't help it. It's one of the many reasons I love her so much."

"We'd really like to have her back; the children all miss their music teacher, and not just Emma. Santana says she can't make Rachel do anything, but perhaps you can convince her."

"I can try, but I can't make any promises." There was a knock at the door as he stood to leave, shaking Caroline's hand; his eyes widened when he saw that it was Emma.

"Finn?" She looked up at him shyly, her bright eyes seeming to stare straight through him. "Where's Miss Rachel? How come she doesn't come here anymore?"

"She's at rehearsal, Little Bit; her play starts soon, and she's very busy." He offered her a weak smile, reaching down to ruffle her dark hair.

"I miss her." Her voice was soft, and it trembled.

"I know you do; I'll see if I can get her to come by more often, ok?" The small girl nodded, a bright smile lighting up her features.

"Why don't you go on and get your snack, Emma sweetheart." Emma nodded, waving to Finn has she left the room. "Careful what you promise her; her hopes are rather fragile, Finn, and it wouldn't do to let her down."

He couldn't make himself stop thinking about Emma, those bright blue eyes staring up at him, asking him where Rachel was, and he was struck by way she looked up at him as if he could save her, as if he were somehow a hero. It was the same way Rachel looked up at him. The ride home seemed exceptionally long, and he used his time to mull over the idea of discussing the Emma incident with Rachel and convincing her that helping at the center was still a good idea; working there had been good for her, and he hated to see her so unhappy. By the time he arrived at their apartment it was nearly dark, and he hurried upstairs to their loft, hoping Rachel would be in a better mood tonight than she had been for the past few weeks.

She was sitting on the couch massaging her sore calves, a plate of grapes on the table in front of her; he was struck by how tired she looked, and it pained him to see that she wasn't smiling her usual bright, just finished another fabulous rehearsal, smile. He missed that smile, any of her smiles really, and he was desperate to get it back. Rachel deserved happiness, and he'd done everything in his power to give her that; it was unfair that she seemed so unhappy all the time, and he'd give anything to make her feel better. Settling on the couch next to her, he pulled her into his lap, his arms wrapped around her small body in a tight embrace. She rested her head on his chest, sighing softly, and he gently stroked her hair.

"I went to the center today." He murmured, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I talked to Caroline, and she told me what happened."

"W-why?" Her eyes lifted to meet his.

"Because you were upset, Rach. You walk around here like a zombie, and you haven't smiled in forever. I can't stand to see you heartbroken, baby, and I had to do something." He sighed, and she pressed closer. "Why didn't you tell me about it, Rachel; why didn't you tell me the whole story?"

"Because it was my fault, Finn; she's attached to me, and I got her hopes up. " Tears burned Rachel's eyes, and she hid her face in his chest. "All she wants is to be loved, to have a home and a family to love her. I inadvertently held that up for her and then took it away; I'm horrible."

"You aren't horrible, sweetheart; you can't help that Emma likes you or that she wants a family." He gently stroked her hair, holding her tight to his chest. "She's a sweet girl, and you—baby, you're an amazing woman, and it's no wonder that little girl adores you; stuff happens, Rach, and you can't help it. It'll be alright, baby."

* * *

><p>"Rachie, don't you think you've been sulking long enough? It's been two months now, and you've done nothing but work, go to the gym, and go home. That's ridiculous even for you!" Santana shook her head as she reentered the living room after checking on Rebecca.<p>

"San, we've talked about this." Rachel gave her a pointed look.

Rachel and Finn had agreed to watch Becca while Santana and Puck had a night out; with a second child on the way, their friends were taking advantage of their time, and Finn and Rachel were more than happy to babysit the little girl who was practically their niece. They'd spent the evening watching her dance and attempt to play the piano, and afterward Rachel had braided her hair and sung her a lullaby to get her to sleep; Finn felt a pang of sadness at the unfairness of it all as he watched them. He knew she'd make an amazing mother, and yet they couldn't seem to get pregnant. After Becca was in bed they'd curled up together on the couch, watching television until Santana and Puck arrived home.

"Thanks for watching Becca for us, man." Puck slapped Finn on the back with a chuckle. "Don't know why, but she loves you two; sometimes I think she loves the two of you more than she loves me and San."

"That's not true, man; you know it's not." Finn laughed, pulling Rachel to his side. "We'd better get going; I've got a staff meeting in the morning."

"And I've got to be at rehearsal early; the costume designer is coming." Santana's eyes narrowed.

"Remember what I said, Rachie; you've sulked long enough." Rachel let out soft sigh.

"I'll think about it, San; I promise." Quickly hugging her best friend, Rachel bit her lip. "We're still on for some shopping later, and I promise, I'll think about what we talked about."

The cab ride home was quiet; Rachel curled into Finn's side, and he wrapped an arm around her. They'd left the Puckerman home in relatively good spirits, but he could tell that Rachel's unhappiness lingered; the incident with Emma weighed heavily on her mind, and their looming appointment with their fertility doctor didn't make it much better. Every trip was a disappointment, but they kept going, hoping that eventually they'd get an answer.

"Baby, I think you should go back to working at the center." His remark was quiet and even, trying not to seem like he was pushing her into something she clearly didn't want. "It made you happy, and those kids really miss you."

"It's not that simple, Finn." She let out a soft sigh. "I have to think about the effect it will have on Emma. I've hurt her, and I don't want to hurt her even more."

"Rachel, that is an excuse because you're afraid; you're afraid that you're getting attached to her too. I get it, Rach, really; I'd be upset too, but you can't let this stuff keep you miserable all the time. I met her, and I know how sweet she is, and how lost and lonely." He swallowed thickly. "I wish there was something more we could do for her, but right now, at least you can be there for her at the center."

"Finn—" But he pressed a soft kiss to her lips, preventing her from arguing.

"I can't stand to see you so upset, baby. It's worst because I can't fix it for you; I can't just make it better." He stroked her cheek with his thumb, catching a tear and wiping it away. "I want to see your smile again, sweetheart; it's been so long since you've smiled."

* * *

><p><p>

For three weeks she'd been back at work at the center, always cautious not to spend too much time with any of the children, especially Emma, but it seemed that nothing could stop the little girl from following Rachel around the center, looking up at her with those bright blue eyes, and asking her if she was mad. Rachel was torn between tears and happiness; she knew it was a bad idea to let Emma get attached, or to get attached to her, considering that at any time Emma could be taken into foster care now that her father was no longer in her life. She'd discussed the situation with Sister Theresa when she returned to work at the center, and apparently Emma had no other family; it was a matter of time before she was placed in a foster home, hopefully to be eventually adopted.

"The system sucks, Rach, but maybe Emma will be one of the lucky ones." Santana offered her a weak smile as they prepared snack time for the children. "Hopefully she'll get put with a couple who really wants kids, and they'll eventually adopt her. You have to think of the good possibilities."

"I know, San." Rachel nodded slowly, carefully arranging apple slices and graham crackers on paper plates.

Santana had been volunteering more often lately, claiming that with Caleb only a few months away from arriving the hospital had agreed that she could so with some more time off her feet, and Rachel was grateful; there had been three chicken pox cases and four cases of some sort of stomach flu in the past week, and there were a few cuts that required stitches. But it was the emotional support she was most grateful for at the moment. Rachel looked up to see the children lined up to enter the room for snack, and her eyes immediately located Emma, standing shyly in the middle of the line, her eyes on the ground. Emma had seemed despondent most of the day, and it made Rachel nervous. Instinct pushed her to pull the girl aside, and she knelt in front of her as the other children filed by them, taking her hands gently.

"What's wrong, Emma? You look so sad today."

"N-nobody loves me, and I d-don't have family anymore." Rachel's eyes widened, realizing that Emma must've been told that she would not be going back to her father; she knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't stop herself from wrapping Emma in a hug. "W-why doesn't anyone want me?"

"Oh, sweetie," Rachel couldn't hold back tears as she felt Emma tremble in her arms, tears soaking into her shirt. "People love you, Emma. You are loved, and you will have an amazing family; I promise."

"Y-you and Finn could be my family; I could be your little girl." It was all Rachel could do not to start sobbing again, and she gently pulled back, her eyes meeting Emma's gaze. "Y-you don't want me either."

Emma pulled herself from Rachel's arms, rushing away in tears, and Rachel could only watch; her heart broke, and she desperately wished there was something she could do. Emma deserved a home and a family, and she deserved to be loved; it was so unfair that she had to suffer, and Rachel hated that she might have made it worse. She spent the remainder of the afternoon fighting back her tears, and she wanted to curl up in a corner and sob; she called Finn in tears, begging him to pick her up from the center the moment he could leave the office, and by the time he finally arrived she felt like falling apart completely.

"Santana, what the hell happened?" He loosened his tie with a sigh. "Rachel was so upset when she called; I could barely understand a word she said."

"Emma was very upset today; apparently she discovered that she won't be going back to her father, and she has no other family." He pulled in a sharp breath. "They're going to put her in foster care eventually, and well, she feels like no one wants her. She asked Rachel if she could be a part of your family."

"Damn," he hissed it under his breath, conscious of the children gathering around and preparing to leave. "No wonder she was a mess; that little girl has become so attached to her, and Rachel cares so much about her. I just don't know what to do about it."

"Speaking of—" Santana paused, indicating the appearance of Emma, who tugged Finn's sleeve.

"F-Finn?" She was stuttering again, and he knew she was just as upset as Rachel. "D-did you come to pick up Miss Rachel?"

"I did; she isn't feeling well, and I'm going to take her home." It wasn't really a lie, but he hated it just the same; she stared up at him, eyes full of tears, and he felt something in him break.

"Is—is she mad at me?" Finn shook his head, kneeling in front of her. "W-wasn't I a g-good girl w-when I stayed with you? D-didn't you and Miss Rachel like me?"

"Of course you were, Little Bit; you were a very good girl." He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Th-then why don't you want me?" Something inside him shattered, and he felt tears sting his eyes. "I—I try to be a good girl, b-but nobody wants me; nobody loves me."

"That's not true, Emma." He tried to say more but she was already pulling away from him, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Finn was torn and confused, caught between the urge to pull her into a hug and calm her and the knowledge that it would probably only cause more trouble. Part of him was shocked that even after more than two months Emma remembered her very brief stay at their home, and he ran a hand nervously through his hair as he stood up, looking around for Rachel. He didn't know what to do or how to react. After a moment, he spotted Rachel hurrying out of Caroline's office, and he could tell she'd been crying; he opened his arms, letting her fall into them, and she buried her face in his chest. Wrapping his arms around her, he carefully walked her out of the center, and she clung to him, sobbing softly and gripping his shirt.

"I saw that. W-what happened?" She looked up at him with eyes full of tears as they climbed into the cab. "Did she ask to come home with us, like she asked me?"

"Yeah, poor little girl thinks no one wants her, and from what Santana said she's going to go into the system, foster care." He pulled her to his chest, holding her close. "I wish there was something we could do for her, but I just don't know what to do."

"It's not fair, Finn; it's not fair at all. Why does she have to suffer?" He brushed a tear from her cheek. "She's just a little girl, and all she wants is to be wanted, to be loved; why can't she have that?"

"I know, baby; I know." Holding Rachel close, he wondered if maybe they could give Emma the kind of home she deserved, but he didn't dare say it out loud.

* * *

><p>She was suddenly dreading their appointment with Dr. Marks; each visit often felt like such a disappointment, and, while he was an excellent doctor and one of the best fertility specialists in the city, everything he told them made her feel worse instead of better. Finn woke before her, and he gently shook her awake, pressing a kiss to her temple; he tried to remain optimistic about their appointments, hoping that eventually they would have an answer to their problems. With a soft groan, she rolled over, curling herself around a pillow; crawling back onto the bed, he pressed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder, and he gently stroked her hair.<p>

"Baby, we need to get up and get dressed. We can't be late." She responded with another groan, and he pressed another kiss to her shoulder.

"Don't want to go." She hated herself for being so childish.

"We don't have to go, Rach; we can stop going, if that's what you really want." He tried not to sound disappointed or hurt. "Just say the word, and I'll call and cancel the appointment."

"No," she murmured, rolling over to face him and pulling the sheets around her chest. "No, baby, I didn't mean it. I want to go; I want to find out why we can't seem to have a baby. Because I want a child, Finn; I want to have your child, and I want a family with you."

He pulled her to him, pressing a kiss to her forehead and murmuring that he loved her, and she let the warmth of his body wash over her and soothe her. Slowly she went through the motions of getting ready, and she waited for Finn in the kitchen, his travel mug filled with coffee. When he appeared ten minutes later, he flashed her a small smile, taking the mug she was holding up and kissing her cheek; she tried to smile as she turned to pick up her own travel cup, filled with a fruit smoothie, and with a soft sigh, she reached for his hand, leading him to the coat rack. They quickly tugged on their coats, and he wrapped an arm around her waist; she leaned her head against him as they headed out of their apartment.

A part of her felt desperate and pathetic sitting in the waiting room waiting to hear the nurse call their name; she was a perfectly healthy woman who always took care of herself, and Finn was a strong healthy man. She didn't understand why they remained childless. Finn reached for her hand, pulling it into his lap and squeezing gently; he pressed a soft kiss to her temple, and she offered him a weak smile, wishing she felt more enthusiastic about their appointment. Tracing the length of his fingers, Rachel pulled in a breath, glancing up to see that the nurse had appeared, and when she called for Mr. and Mrs. Hudson, they stood up and followed her hand in hand. Finn murmured that he loved her and promised that everything would work out for them soon; she squeezed his hand in response, her eyes meeting his for a moment.

"Well Rachel, Finn, I've reviewed the results of your blood work and the semen testing, and, as far as I can tell, you are both perfectly healthy; it seems that physically there is nothing wrong but poor timing. Sometimes couples just have poor luck, and it takes more time than they like." Dr. Marks sat in front of them ten minutes later, clipboard and file in his lap.

"You mean there isn't anything we can do?" Rachel bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes.

"We've tried practically every, doctor, taken every medication you've prescribed, tried schedules and diets; surely there must something else we can try or do." Finn gripped her hand, and she squeezed his tightly; he couldn't stand for Rachel to be disappointed again.

"I know that it's difficult, but perhaps the best thing for you to do is to stop trying for a little while; I can prescribe a different fertility medication, but in all honestly, I think that you would be best served by relaxing. The stress of trying can make things more difficult." Rachel pressed her face into Finn's shoulder, tears falling before she could stop them. "Sometimes patience can be the best fertility aid; don't let the stress and worry of trying make you so distraught that your marriage or your health suffers. It will not help matters."

"Thank you doctor," Finn pulled in a breath, trying to remain calm.

Rachel couldn't help but wonder what the point of going to fertility specialist was if he couldn't help them; as Finn lead her out of the office fifteen minutes later, she fought the urge to scream at the unfairness of it all. Dr. Marks had listed some other treatments and tests that could be run, but Rachel and Finn had agreed that continuing to test was not producing results and that the cost was growing prohibitive. Their only other option was invitro, but they simply could not afford it, even with Rachel's growing popularity and his promotion at work; to sacrifice such a large portion of their savings when they knew that if it were to be successful they would need every penny seemed unwise. Instead they agreed that trying to relax and stop trying was perhaps their best option; however, that did little assuage Rachel's disappointment or Finn's.

When they returned to the apartment, Rachel threw her coat down and rushed to their room, throwing herself onto the bed with a sob. He followed her quickly, and it broke his heart to see her curled around a pillow, body trembling as she cried; it was unfair that she had to hurt like this. She was one of the most good-hearted and loving women in the world, and he'd known for years that at some point he wanted to have a family with her, since the summer before New York when Rachel called him in a panic because she thought she might be pregnant. He'd know right then that he wanted to be the father of Rachel's children and to raise a family with her. Scooping her up into his arms, he pulled her close, letting her bury her face in his chest and cry until she couldn't cry anymore; he wasn't sure when his tears began to fall, but nothing would stop them. Instead he merely held her as they cried together.

* * *

><p>She arrived at the center early, since rehearsal was called off due to illness; with the show set to begin in less than a month, Rachel's schedule had been so busy that time to visit the center was limited to twice, sometimes three times a week and only for maybe two hours at the most. More and more she found that she missed the children, and a part of her missed seeing Emma, which was why she was surprised to discover that Emma was nowhere to be seen, especially since she'd been there two days before. Rachel assumed that she was perhaps sick and decided that she would make a stop by the shelter before heading home. She spent the majority of the day helping Santana with some inventory and holding sing-alongs with the children, and when four PM finally came she found Sister Theresa lining the children up to leave.<p>

"How is Emma?" Rachel offered the nun a small smile. "I noticed she wasn't here today; I hope she's alright."

"I'm assuming she's doing well." Rachel lifted an eyebrow in confusion.

"What do you mean assuming? How do you not know whether she's ok?" Sister Theresa didn't meet her eyes for a moment, and Rachel pulled in a breath.

"Didn't Caroline tell you? Emma was going to be put into foster care eventually, and the social worker thought that prolonging the wait would only make things more difficult."

"You mean—" Sister Theresa nodded slowly.

"She's been placed with a very charming woman and her husband; they have a great deal of experience with foster children, and I'm sure Emma will be fine once she adjusts."

"But I didn't get to—" Rachel's words were cut off by a soft sniffle, and she bit back her tears. "Did she seem happy? Do you think that they'll bring her by the center from time to time?"

"Rachel dear, it's hard to tell with these things. She seemed a bit nervous and upset, but it's a big change for her; once she adjusts to the new situation, I'm quite certain that she will be happy, and they will begin looking for a permanent family soon."

"They aren't interested in adopting, this family?" Sister Theresa shook her head. "I see, so this is a temporary place."

"She'll be alright, Rachel; I have faith that Emma will be just fine." But Rachel wasn't so sure.


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N:** I promised that I wouldn't completely tear your hearts out with this chapter, but I did not promise you wouldn't cry. I apologize for any inaccuracies with regards to the foster care system, and I ask that you remember that this is a work of fiction and my goal is to explore Finn and Rachel's emotional journey and their pursuit of their dream of a family. I would also like to apologize for taking so long to get this chapter published, but for some reason I had a great deal of trouble; you should all take Kelsey (bbyduck on tumblr) for rescuing me. This chapter is dedicated to her because without her there would be no chapter.

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><p><em>i.<em>

"We could adopt." Finn muttered as he tightened another screw on Caleb's new crib; he couldn't help, but feel a little jealous of his best friend. "Rachel and me, I mean; we could adopt a kid."

"It's an option." Puck tossed aside the instructions, muttering under his breath; Finn knew he had to be careful what he said because adoption was a sensitive issue for his best friend. "But I thought you and Rachel wanted to have kids of your own."

"The kid would still be our kid, even if we didn't conceive it; plus we could keep trying." Finn let out a sigh. "Rachel will think the suggestion is me giving up on her, though, like I don't think she can ever get pregnant and so I've suggested another option. She's already convinced that she's a failure because of all this."

"I love your midget-y wife like a sister, but she's got a case of the baby crazies." Puck chuckled as he and Finn attempted align the rails on the crib. "I think it's a female thing because San's going to blow a gasket if we don't finish the nursery soon. She's already freaking out because we had to repaint the walls since we're having a boy."

"Is there any reason we have to put together a brand new crib? It's not like the one we did for Becca was pink."

"Because San and Rachel insisted that we give Becca's crib to Kurt and Sam, for the baby girl they adopted." Puck tightened another screw. "You know, adoption's not a bad option if you think about it. You'd be able to give a kid who might otherwise not have such great parents a great home. I mean look at Beth. There was no way Quinn and me could take care of her, no matter how bad—Shelby's a good mom from what I know, and that's what Beth needed, not two kids in high school."

The subject of Beth and her adoption was something the two men typically avoided; though Finn had long since forgiven Puck for the betrayal, neither liked to speak of it or of Quinn. For Finn it was a memory of a life that had been unpleasant and unhappy and of a threat of being trapped in Lima; Beth's adoption had also been a stinging point for Rachel, who'd seen it as her own mother choosing a part of Quinn over her because Shelby had refused to have a relationship with her even after she begged. There had been nights of tears when Finn had held Rachel and assured her that it wasn't like that at all. Finn was the only person who knew how much Beth had meant to Puck, not even Santana knew about the three day drinking binge after Shelby left with Beth the first time or what happened the week after Shelby was fired when Puck drove off to Cincinnati in an effort to clear his head and wound up getting a tattoo of a shark on his hip.

"Rachel's a big girl; she'll understand. And just because you adopt doesn't mean you two can't keep trying for one of you own." Finn nodded slowly. "You've got to remember that this is not the old high school Rachel Berry; she's way stronger than she used to be, and she can take a lot more than she used to. Have a little faith in your wife dude."

_ii._

She had been sure of it this time. For the first in months she was positive that the little white stick in her hand was accurate, and she was going to have a baby; she'd called Finn in the taxi on the way home, eager to tell him the good news, and he'd been cautiously optimistic. Maybe things were finally turning around for them. Her excitement is infectious, and he wanted so desperately to share it with her; the knowledge that she could be building herself up to another disappointment was killing him. He didn't want to see her cry again, and he prayed that just this once things would go their way.

"I've been feeling a bit sick, and I'm late." When Finn lifted his eyebrows, she shook her head. "My period, Finn, it's almost a week late."

"Oh, I see." He reached for her hands, lacing his fingers with hers. "Baby, I know you're excited, but I don't want—"

"Finn, it's really happening this time; I can _feel_ it!" The look on her face told him that there was no way that he was going to get her to calm down; truth be told, they'd been trying so hard and he wanted her to be right about this. "This is it, baby; we're going to have our family at last."

"I hope so, sweetheart; I really hope so." He pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "I just want to make sure that we aren't getting our hopes up when things haven't exactly been going our way."

"Y-you don't believe in me anymore, do you? You don't think that I can get pregnant." Tears sprang in her eyes, and he pulled her close.

"Baby, that's not what I mean at all; of course I believe in you, and I know that it's going to happen for us. I just know how upset you were the last time, and I don't want to see you hurt again." He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I love you so much, sweetheart, and I want to have a family with you; I really hope this time it's going to happen for us because you're going to be a great mom and we're going to make a child really happy."

She murmured that she loved him, and he wiped a tear from her cheek; the rest of the evening was spent curled up on the couch watching movies and nibbling on chocolate covered popcorn. Rachel talked happily about making appointments, and by the time she drifted off with her head on his shoulder, she had Finn convinced that this time was it. He fell asleep with his arms around her, and his dreams were filled with babies and a smiling Rachel.

By lunch two days later their hope was turned to despair when he returned from the Chinese restaurant to find Rachel curled up on the couch, crying into a pillow. He knew almost instantly what was wrong, and he felt a flash of anger at whatever cosmic power kept doing this to them; how many more times would Rachel get her hopes up only to be disappointed? How much more could they take? He couldn't help but wonder if he was being punished for something. He settled on the couch next to her, scooping the small woman into his arms and holding her against his chest.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He didn't want her to think he was expecting this to happen; she already felt like a failure. "What happened?"

"I got my period today, Finn." She sobbed softly, burying her face in his chest. "I'm not pregnant. I'm never going to get pregnant."

"Shhh, baby, don't say that. You know what the doctor said. We just have to be patient." He kissed the top of her head. "It'll happen in time."

"No it won't! I'm never going to have a baby. I can't give you a family, Finn; I'm a failure." Her small fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt, and he could feel her tears soaking through the fabric."I wouldn't blame you if you wanted a—"

"Rachel Barbra Hudson, don't you dare say that." He lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "I love you so much, and I'm never going to stop loving you. No matter what happens, I will always love you. You are my wife, but more than that, you're my partner and my soul mate. I don't care if we never have a child of our own; I'm never going to leave you."

"But I know how much you want a family, and I can't—I can't give you that." The tears continued to fall, and he tried to wipe them away with his thumbs.

"Baby, we can have a family, and we will." She rested her head against his chest. "I promised you that we'd make all your dreams come true, and I'm going to keep that promise."

"But what if—" But Finn placed a gentle finger on her lips.

"No what ifs, Rachel, we're going to have our family." He gently kissed her forehead, his next words slipping out before he thought about them. "What if we adopted? We could still try for a kid of our own, but maybe this is a sign that we're supposed to adopt first."

"Adopting?"

"I know that it's not what we planned, Rach, but it's an option." She chewed her lip softly. "It doesn't mean we're giving up or anything. Can we—can we just think about it?"

_iii._

The weather had started to turn cold, and Finn shivered as he left the child services office; he clenched the manila envelope in his left hand, feeling a rush of both nervousness and excitement. He and Rachel had spent three days discussing their options, and she'd agreed that it couldn't hurt to at least pick up the application. He was nervous, more nervous than he'd anticipated. The lady he'd spoken with at the office said that it was a very difficult process with many steps, and he was suddenly afraid that perhaps with Rachel's very busy work schedule they wouldn't be good candidates for the job even though they lived in a very nice apartment and were financially secure.

Rachel had returned home to an empty apartment after rehearsal, and she could only assume one thing; Finn had gone to pick up the paper work. It had been a week since they'd discussed their options, and she still felt like she was admitting defeat and failure. Though Finn swore that she wasn't a failure and that they weren't giving up, Rachel still wanted to curl up and cry. Perhaps it was silly or childish, but she felt like a failure as a wife and a woman. What kind of wife couldn't give her husband even one child? What kind of woman couldn't get pregnant after over a year of trying and the use of fertility treatments? Finn deserved better; he deserved a wife who could give him a family like he'd always wanted.

She quickly changed into an old NYU t-shirt and shorts and curled up on the couch under her favorite blanket; there was a chill in the air, and she was glad that the heat would soon kick in and warm the apartment. But nothing took the chill out of her body or the feeling of utter loss. She knew that Finn meant well with his suggestion about fostering a child, and she knew he would always love her. None of it made her feel less like a failure. Closing her eyes, she tried not to wallow in her misery, and she didn't even hear Finn unlock the door to their apartment and step inside.

"Baby? Are you asleep?" The scent of peppermint greeted her, and he knelt in front of the couch holding a cup of her favorite tea.

"I'm awake." Her eyes fluttered open, and she offered him a weak smile.

"Are you ok? Something upset you?" He knew the answer, and it broke his heart. How many nights could a man see the woman he loved cry herself to sleep?

"Did you get the paperwork?" Her voice was flat, but she felt like the least she could do was be strong for Finn.

"Baby, we don't have to do this. We don't have to fill out the paperwork or go forward with this. I just thought—It doesn't matter. Sweetheart, I just want us to be happy again." He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I want you to be happy again, whatever it takes."

"I know, Finn, and I'm trying." She sighed softly. "But if we do this—it's like we're giving up on a child of our own; it's like you're giving up on me because I'm a failure. I've failed you."

"Stop right there. Rachel Hudson is not a failure." He reached for her hands, setting the tea cup aside for a moment. "Baby, you haven't failed at all, and you sure as hell haven't failed me. You are an amazing woman, and you couldn't possibly be a failure. The woman I fell in love with, the woman I married, is too damned perfect to ever be a failure."

"But, Finn—" He cut her off by pressing a finger to her lips, shaking his head.

"No buts, Rachel. This isn't us giving up on having a kid of our own. This is us helping a kid who doesn't have a family. We'll be making a difference, and it'll be like practice." He didn't mention Emma, though the little girl was constantly on his mind. "But we don't have to do this, sweetheart. I don't want to push you into something you aren't happy about or aren't comfortable with."

"No, I think I want to try." He softly kissed her forehead, his lips barely brushing her skin, and she offered a weak smile.

_iv._

She'd been staring at the menu for the past twenty minutes, marking off things that the children might be allergic to and making lists of parents to invite and the few people that had come to help out or donated at the center, and so she was grateful when Puck and Finn began bringing in tables and boxes. Rachel and Finn had volunteered to help with a special Thanksgiving dinner at the center, and she'd dragged Santana and Puck into helping.

"Hey, Little Bit, where do you want these boxes of paper plates and shit?"

"Noah Puckerman, watch your language." She hissed as she indicated a corner of the small room. "This is a _children's_ shelter, and I doubt Sister Theresa and Caroline would appreciate you enhancing the vocabularies of these kids with colorful language."

"Jeez, you sound like a mother." He made the comment without thinking, but he didn't miss the slight wince her received. "Sorry Rachel, didn't mean it like that."

"I know, Noah; it's still a sensitive topic." She bit her lip softly. "Finn and I are working on it; we've applied to become foster parents. It's not the same as you know—having our own, but it's a start."

It was the first time she'd told anyone about their plans; she'd even kept them from Santana. Telling people would make it real, and she was terrified that if she were to get her hopes up she'd only get hurt again. Puck set the box aside and wrapped her in a tight hug. A few moments later Finn and Santana appeared, with the Latina muttering something in Spanish; when Rachel looked up, she was just in time to see a very small girl with a pair of bright blue eyes looking out from behind her best friend, and for a moment her heart felt as if it had stopped.

Seeing her again was more than a surprise. Rachel had assumed that once she was taken in by the Grant family she'd never see Emma again; most of the children at the center either lived at the shelter or had parents who worked in the city. The Grants, from what Rachel had been able to discover, lived outside the city, and Mrs. Grant worked from home. It didn't seem likely that the Grants would drop Emma off at the center. It was more than a little worrisome that the little girl had returned, and Rachel hoped that it didn't mean things had gone poorly for her.

Santana rested a hand on her distended abdomen, rubbing in small circles, and Puck rushed to encourage her to sit. They were fairly certain that there would be a new Puckerman in the world very soon. Rachel felt guilty for the pang of envy that always plagued her when she thought of Santana and Puck and their family. She almost hated herself for the bitter feelings; it made the failings even worse.

"Puckerman, I will never let you touch me again." Santana practically growled at her husband, and he laughed.

Finn stumbled slightly when Emma threw her arms around his knees, and he had to reach for the wall to maintain his balance. She looked up at him with a bright smile. He felt the familiar twinge of pain that came with the look of trust and hope in the tiny girl's eyes. She wanted him to take her home, but he knew that he couldn't. For a moment he wondered if she was the reason that he wanted to foster kids, if the possibility of taking her in was what really made him want to become a foster parent. He wondered if Rachel felt the same way. Rachel had told him about Emma's placement with the Grants, and he'd hoped for the best. It seemed that those hopes had been false.

Two days later, Rachel found herself sitting in Sister Theresa's office at the shelter, staring at her hands in her lap. Santana told her that she should let it go and stop obsessing over Emma, but she couldn't help it. Emma had already overheard the conversation with Finn and Puck about adoption and foster parenting. The look of hope on the little girls face, as if it might be possible for her to come home with them, had been heartbreaking. Now Rachel wondered if maybe they could take her in after they were approved. But first she had to know why Emma was back at the shelter in the first place.

"I thought the Grants were a great family." Rachel tried not to allow her voice to shake. "I thought they were supposed to be very experienced and great with children."

"The Grants are an excellent family, Rachel, but it seems that Emma was a bit more than they could handle." Rachel's eyes widened; the girl she'd met was sweet and quiet, even if she was a bit shy and nervous. "Emma was unhappy there, and try as they might the Grants simply were unable to help her. As you've probably been informed during your preparation for becoming a foster parent, part of the job is to prepare the children for permanent placement in a family, and Emma was so unhappy that the Grants felt that perhaps she wasn't ready for that sort of change in her life."

"I don't understand. What happens to Emma?" The woman before her lowered her head. "Are they going to find her another family?"

"Well, considering the difficulties Emma may be having, her social worker will have to review the case and—"

"But what happens to Emma?" Rachel felt guilty for interrupting the older woman, but she was suddenly worried. "What will happen to her?"

"It's quite possible that she will go into a group home. The shelter is very crowded, it isn't meant to be a permanent home for any of the children. This is an emergency temporary home, a stopping point on their journeys."

"A group home? Is that like an orphanage?" Rachel's heart dropped. "You can't do that to her. She needs more than that. She needs a family."

"It's not up to me, dear; it will be up to her social worker, and it will be up to the families she might meet before then." Sister Theresa patted her hand, but she didn't feel any better about it.

_v._

"I can't believe Kurt is in London over Thanksgiving. He's going to miss dinner." Carole Hummel let out a soft sigh as she helped her daughter-in-law with the rolls. "This is the first time since Burt and I were married that we haven't had both boys at Thanksgiving. We're really glad that we get to have dinner with you though, and I really appreciate you hosting it."

"We were going to travel to Lima, like we have for the past few years, but we have so much going on right now."

"Finn told me that you two were going to try to become foster parents, and I think it's wonderful." Rachel wondered how much Finn had told Carole about their troubles.

"Did he tell you that we'd been trying?" Her voice shook. "I mean, did he tell you that we'd been trying to have a child of our own?"

Carole had been the mother she never had; even when Shelby returned to her life, Rachel depended on her now mother-in-law for maternal influence. It was embarrassing to tell Carole that they had been unsuccessful in their attempts. Finn was her only biological son, and yet she was unable to give him a child and Carole a grandchild. But Carole simply wrapped her in a hug, holding her tightly and stoking her hair.

"Sometimes it takes time, sweetheart." She whispered. "Chris and I got married right out of school, and he wanted a family right away. It took almost a year before Finn came along, but it was worth the wait."

"Oh Carole, I feel like such a failure."

"I know it's hard, but you can't give up. You aren't a failure. Now is just not your time." When Rachel looked up she could see that Carole had tears in her eyes, and she felt a sudden rush of gratitude for her husband's mother.

The two women hastily dried their eyes as Finn and Burt entered the room talking about football, and they both reached for dishes to take to the table before issue orders for the men to carry the chicken and the large bowl of potatoes to the table. Neither was particularly enthusiastic about their husbands seeing teary eyes and worrying about them. The conversation turned back to Thanksgiving and their plans; Santana and Puck were supposed to come so that Santana would not have to cook. Rachel's fathers would be coming for the holiday that week, but they couldn't stay for more than the day of because Hiram had a trial to prepare for the following Monday. Carole volunteered to come with them to the shelter's Thanksgiving lunch, and Rachel practically beamed.

It was good to see his wife smiling again, even if it was because of a joke at his expense. He was glad that his mom and step-father were staying for the week and that Rachel seemed to be bonding with his mom again. As they all talked and ate, Burt talked about perhaps running for one last term before retiring, and he could hear Rachel and his mom discussing the meal plan for Thanksgiving. Rachel had never cooked a turkey before, and yet she'd volunteered to bring two turkeys to the shelter lunch in addition to cooking the turkey for their own dinner. His mom offered to guide her, and she almost flung her arms around the woman.

Burt and Carole had decided to do some Christmas shopping two days later, claiming to be taking advantage of being in New York. Finn and Rachel, however, were positive that the older couple had decided to leave the apartment for the day because they had a meeting with the lady from social services who had been doing the inspections and interviews as they worked to become foster parents. Finn and Rachel had already had two interviews and a primary inspection of the apartment, and today they were to meet to discuss her findings after reviewing their financial situation and speaking with character references. Rachel had been nervously cleaning the apartment for the past hour, and now she was pacing back and forth in front of the sofa.

"Rach, Rachel sweetheart please relax." Finn reached for her as she passed him for the fourth time. "Baby, things are going to be fine. We had great character references, and our financials were above average. There's no way she's going to tell us no."

"Finn, I—" But she was interrupted by a knock on their door; suddenly her hands were shaking almost too much answer it.

"I'll get it, babe." He kissed her forehead as he moved to answer the door, and he greeted the social worker with a smile and firm handshake. "Welcome back to our home, Miss Marus."

"Good afternoon Mr. Hudson, Mrs. Hudson." Miss Marus reminded Rachel of Coach Sylvester most of the time, even when she was trying to be nice, and as the older woman sat in the chair next to the sofa, Rachel felt another wave of nerves. "Today is your final interview and inspection; we will also be discussing some of the findings from our previous interviews and inspections."

"And after today?" Finn's voice shook slightly as he took a seat next to Rachel on the sofa, his hand quickly finding hers.

"After today your case will be officially reviewed and we will get back to you with our decision." Finn and Rachel nodded. "I'd like to begin with the inspection."

The tour of the apartment began almost immediately, with Miss Marus muttering that most foster parents have homes of their own. Rachel felt the familiar rush of nerves as the woman went over her home with a fine toothed comb. It was odd. She spent almost of her life on stage, with hundreds of eyes on her, and it never made her as nervous as she felt under Miss Amanda Marus' microscope. Each room was met with a series of questions and marks on a notepad, and when they reached the guest bedroom that would be converted into a child's room, the woman clucked her tongue.

"I see you are still using this as a guest room. Would you be able to convert it quickly if you were approved?"

"Of course. We've got plans to work on it right after Thanksgiving." Miss Marus nodded, making another note.

"I think I've seen enough." Rachel pulled in a breath. "There are a few things we need to discuss before I leave you to your holiday preparations. First of all, you have excellent character references; you're former coach and teacher spoke very highly of you, as did your employer Mr. Hudson and your director Mrs. Hudson. Several other people we spoke to gave glowing accounts of your character. Sister Theresa at the children's shelter spoke very highly of your relationships with children and your abilities, Mrs. Hudson."

"That's great!" Finn reached for Rachel's hand.

"I believe that you are excellent candidates for the foster system, and I only have a few concerns. One of those concerns is your career on Broadway. Such a busy schedule would surely hinder you in caring for a child."

"With all due respect, Miss Marus, I believe I can balance career and family quite well." Rachel tried not to sound insulted. "I do not think that it will be a problem at all. Are there any other concerns?"

"Most foster parents, in my experience, tend to own their own homes. Your home, while lovely, is an apartment. You don't have a backyard or much more than a spare bedroom."

"Honestly I don't think that should be a problem. We live really close to a couple of great parks, and the spare bedroom is pretty nice. You've seen the plans for the conversion." Finn couldn't help but jump to defend his home. "Our home is perfect for a family."

"I'm sure you believe that, Mr. Hudson." Miss Marus sounded dubious. "Now, I want to make sure you understand your role as foster parents. This is not the same thing as adopting, though sometimes foster parents meet a child they chose to adopt. You are giving a child a temporary home and preparing them for a more permanent placement."

Rachel nodded slowly. She knew what Miss Marus was talking about instantly; it was the one thing she was most concerned about, getting attached. What would happen if they fostered a child and she got attached? Could she handle giving that child up to a family willing to adopt?

_vi._

"Aren't you worried about, y'know, getting attached? Cause you know the situation wouldn't be permanent." Santana handed Rachel a very large basket of rolls. "Here, for the love of all that is holy, take these things before I eat another one. Puckerman's son has me eating everything I can get my hands on, and I swear if I don't pop soon I'm going to die."

"I'm a little worried—ok, I'm very worried about getting attached, but I still think this is a good idea." Rachel chuckled as Santana rubbed her abdomen. "Finn and I want to adopt, and the gentleman at children's services says that this is a good start."

"Miss Rachel, you could 'dopt me." She nearly jumped out of her skin and dropped the rolls in her hands at the sound of Emma's voice. "If you want to 'dopt a little girl, you could 'dopt me."

"Emma sweetie, why don't you go help Mr. Puck with the tablecloths; he's not very good at it." Santana gave her a gentle nudge, hoping to prevent the tears that threatened to spill from her best friend's eyes.

"Ok Miss San." Emma smiled up at her and hurried off, leaving Rachel to let her very pregnant best friend attempt to wrap her arms around her.

Carole was acting as ring master of the circus that was final preparations for Thanksgiving lunch at the center. She was directing older children to help with setting up the serving tables and convincing younger children to stop trying to use the tablecloths as tents so that Puck and Finn could spread them. She felt a slight tug on her pants leg, and when she looked down she was greeted by a pair of remarkable bright blue eyes. Little girl introduced herself as Emma, and she was asking where she could find Mr. Puck. Carole smiled softly and pointed toward the tables were Puck was muttering under his breath and struggling to smooth a tablecloth.

"Right over there, sweetie."

"Thank you, ma'am." In a flash, Emma was off again, hurrying to 'help' Puck with the tablecloths.

Sister Theresa and Caroline both applauded the meal as the best Thanksgiving the shelter and center had seen in years as they all sat around tables decorated with centerpieces made by the children. Rachel beamed with pride, and Finn couldn't help but smile. Even Emma's presence at their table, seated between Rachel and his mom like a constant reminder of his failure to save her, couldn't dampen his mood. He reached to squeeze her hand, and she leaned over to kiss his cheek.

Rachel had insisted on setting the large dining room table with their best china, given to them as a wedding present from Carole because she had no daughters. This was the first holiday she'd hosted in her own home, and she wanted it to be perfect. Carole had helped her with the turkey, which had turned out beautifully, and Santana had brought the dressing and rolls made with her grandmother's recipes. Leroy Berry carried in the turkey, practically crowing about how amazing it smelled, and placed it in the center of the table. Hiram found Rachel in the kitchen, finishing up the mashed potatoes.

"Bunny, are you alright?" Rachel let out a shaky sigh; her fathers had been overjoyed at the possibility of grandchildren, adopted or not. "You've been very quiet tonight. I'm sorry we missed our special lunch."

"I'm fine, Papa; I'm just thinking." He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Is this about what you told us before about becoming foster parents and possibly adopting?" Rachel nodded slowly. "Sweetheart, you of all people should know that being a child's biological parent isn't what makes you a real parent. It's what you do to be a good mother or father that matters. Adopting is a really great choice, and you and Finn will make terrific parents to any child."

"I know, Papa. I just—" But Burt and Puck came into the kitchen to pick up the wine and glasses, and Rachel couldn't bring herself to finish. "I love you."

Hiram kissed her cheek, and she scooped up the bowl of potatoes, handing them to her father with a smile. She followed him to the dining room with a bowl of green beans and placed them on the table before taking a seat between Finn and LeRoy. There was a kind of warmth filling the room, and Rachel looked around at the table full of her family. The only thing missing was a child of her own. She reached for Finn's hand, and they began the meal by each stating something they were thankful for in their lives. Rachel was pleasantly surprised when even Puck participated in the little ritual without rude comments about how stupid it was or mentioning that he was thankful for something like being badass or not being in jail.

"I met the sweetest little girl today." Carole was saying, and Rachel's eyes widened. "I'm sure you've seen her at the center, Rachel. She's got the brightest blue eyes and the sweetest smile. I think her name was Emma."

"Yes," Rachel bit her lip. "She's the little girl Finn and I told you about. I brought her home so that I could take her to the doctor."

"Sure is a shame about that little girl." LeRoy let out a soft sigh. "I just hate the idea of any child suffering like that. Every child should have a home and a family; every child should be loved."

Hiram kicked him under the table, and he jumped slightly, almost spilling his wine. He'd forgotten for a moment that Emma was a sensitive topic for his daughter and son-in-law. Carole quickly changed the subject, saving Rachel from bursting into tears, and Finn was eternally grateful. He couldn't help but think about the way she always seemed to pop up in their lives and wonder what that might mean.

_vii._

The snow was starting to fall as he hurried to the center. Traffic was so bad that he'd had his cab stop half a block away so he could walk the rest of the way. Their approval had come already, and while he'd promised Rachel that they would open it together, he just couldn't wait until she returned home to find out what was in the large manila envelope that had arrived. It was surprising how quickly the response came; he'd been expecting to wait until the new year for an answer. When he arrived at the center Rachel was coming out of Caroline's office, first aid kit in hand, and she was shaking her head. Finn thought he heard the words 'group home', and he wondered what that meant.

"I'm sorry Rachel. Her case worker says that if she isn't ready for a family situation she's not a good candidate for placement. I know it's not ideal." Caroline sounded exhausted.

"But a group home? Caroline, Emma is four years old; she needs stability and a family, not some home full of fifteen troubled children." Rachel hissed.

"Three families have met with her in the past two weeks, and none of them have been able to connect with her. I think—"

"She connected with us." The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them. "She connected with us right away."

"Finn?" Rachel lifted an eyebrow, and Finn raised the envelope in his hand. "Did we get approved?"

"We're approved!" Rachel flung her arms around him, nearly knocking him off his feet. "We got the paperwork today."

"Congratulations!" Caroline smiled brightly. "That's great news."

"Baby, we could—we could help her." Finn wasn't sure where it was coming from, but something just felt right. "We connected with Emma, Rach, and we could _help_ her. She needs us."

"You mean?" Finn nodded slowly as he lowered his wife back to the floor. "We could take her in, Finn. We could be her family, for a little while at least."


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N**: This chapter is dedicated to my friend Amanda, who kept nagging me so I wouldn't stop writing, for her birthday. Sorry it's late sweetie.

**A/N 2**: My dear readers, I'd like to thank you for sticking with me. I realize this fic is never updated as frequently as people hope it will be, but I hope that it is worth the wait. I'm almost positive that this fic may not have many more chapters. I'm thinking three more after this.

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"Kurt this is an emergency; San is on her way, but it's going to take special care." Rachel pulled her best friend into Finn's home office. "Finn just arrived with Emma five minutes ago, and everything that little girl owns was shoved into a battered pink backpack. It's incredibly sad, and the situation must be remedied."

"Wait, are you telling me she has nothing?" Kurt seemed appalled.

"What she has is worn out, and none of it is really fit to be worn anyway. She doesn't even have a winter coat. She needs clothes, Kurt, clothes that fit her and look nice. You of all people should understand how much nice clothes help you feel better about life." Rachel bit her lip. "Finn says to spend whatever we need. To quote him 'max out the damned credit card if you have to; just make sure she has what she needs.'"

"Well in that case, we'll leave as soon as the pregnant demon arrives." Kurt chuckled before peeking out of the room to see Emma seated nervously on the couch, clutching Beary and watching Finn and Sam playing with Madison. "It's really great Rach, what you and Finn are doing for her. You will make a terrific mother, honey."

Santana arrived ten minutes later with Puck in tow, snapping at him to stop doing the baby elephant walk behind her. The chuckle from her husband earned him a resounding slap on the chest before she hugged Rachel and Kurt and he went off to talk to Sam and Finn. Caleb Puckerman was due not long after Christmas. She muttered something about how much she hated being pregnant, and Kurt shook his head, chuckling to himself about the fact that Santana's temperament had not been improved by motherhood.

"Emma, sweetie, are you ready to go?" The little girl looked up nervously at the sound of Kurt's voice.

"Why don't you leave Beary here while we go shopping?" Emma shook her head at Rachel's suggestion. "Won't he be in the way while you're trying on all your new clothes?"

"But Beary will be lonely here. He needs me." Emma clutched the bear tightly to her chest, and Rachel let out a slow breath. "Please can he come with us?"

The argument was a lost cause. Emma refused to part with Beary under any circumstances, and they'd been warned not to put too much pressure on her to let him go, especially while she was still adjusting to the new situation. So a few minutes later, Emma was sitting between Kurt and Santana, with Beary in her lap, and they were headed downtown. They'd discovered as they were ushering her into the car that she had never been shopping and that she'd never had new clothes of her own. No one was all that surprised. Rachel had assumed that her clothes were hand me downs and donations, and most of it would be vanishing as soon as they replaced them because they were either far too small, far too big, or so worn out that they should've been thrown out long ago. Kurt insisted that they try some of the smaller shops in SoHo, and Rachel agreed, deciding that it would be best not to overwhelm Emma with large stores.

Their first stop was for a new coat; it was freezing out, and Emma had arrive wearing a ratty purple coat that didn't fit her arms anymore, if it had ever fit in the first place, and had a lining so thin you could probably see through it. They'd found a nice shop that specialized in children's coats, and the process of choosing one had become much more complex than first imagined. Three were the wrong color, two Emma hated, and almost everything was too small or too large. When they finally settled on two coats, pretty plaid peacoats in pink and purple, Emma eagerly pointed to the pink one, much to Kurt's approval. Emma's eyes lit up when she was told that she could wear the coat out of the store, and when she left the store she was wearing matching gloves and holding Kurt and Rachel's hands tightly.

By the time they left the third shop, Santana was muttering about how much her feet ached, and Kurt and Rachel both held bags loaded with clothes for Emma, who was happily stomping between them in her new winter boots. Beary was nestled in the top of one of the bags Rachel carried because Emma had insisted that he'd be safest there. Kurt insisted that not even one of her new shirts and sweaters have animals on them, despite the fact that Rachel had found four adorable sweaters with kittens and puppies stitched or printed on them, and Emma was allowed to pick out the majority of her outfits, carefully steered away from the items that Kurt and Santana deemed Rachel Berry High School 2.0 in the making. No matter what the cost, the way Emma's eyes lit up as she tried on new sweaters, jumpers, dresses, and shoes was well worth it. And her excitement over being allowed to wear a new outfit out of the shop was contagious. She'd clearly never had new clothes of her own, let alone as many as they'd purchased, and she certainly had never been able to pick things herself.

"Th-thank you." Emma looked up at the three of them as she sat in a coffee shop, dressed in a new sweater, skirt, and tights and holding Beary in her lap. "I never had nice stuff before."

"Families take care of each other, Em. That's what they do." Rachel kissed her forehead as she placed a hot chocolate in front of her.

_ii_.

"Negative." Rachel held up the pregnancy test she'd taken earlier in the evening. "It's always going to be negative isn't it?"

"Rach," his voice was soft as he took her hands. "Maybe it's time to stop."

Her eyes widened, meeting his with confusion and concern. Fostering Emma wasn't supposed to be a replacement for their attempts to start a family. After all, their job as foster parents was to prepare Emma for a permanent home and family, not to take her in forever. She was sure that eventually there would be a family who would meet the small girl and fall in love with her; she was would be adopted, and once again it would be just the two of them in the apartment.

"Baby, I'm just think maybe it's time to take the doctor's advice, and stop trying for awhile. I know how much you want a family, but maybe it's time to take a break." He tried to remain calm as his fingers laced with hers. "We've only had Emma two days, and there's so much she needs. And it's Christmas and Hanukkah time. The stress won't help."

"So you want to give up?" The question hung in the air between them.

"Not give up, Rachel, but take a break. It would just be for a little while, until we were more relaxed. We can't keep this up anymore." He squeezed her hands. "Baby, this is killing you, and it kills me. I can't stand to see you hurt like this."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead he pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He could feel her shaking against his chest, and he gently stroked her hair. Desperately trying not to cry, Finn held his wife to his body, rocking back and forth. He knew how much Rachel wanted a family. They'd been trying for two years, and even before that Rachel had had babies on the brain, ever since they had the pregnancy scare shortly before they were married.

Sometimes she thought about giving him up, setting him free, but she knew Finn would never let her go again. She couldn't give him a family, and she saw the look on his face every time Puck scooped up Rebecca or they saw families while they were out shopping. She felt like she was robbing him of a life he could have, and it broke her heart. Working with Emma wasn't the same as having a family, and Rachel was painfully aware of it. Emma would be gone, adopted and with a family all her own, and things would go back to the way they were. She wasn't sure that she could handle that.

They looked up simultaneously at the sound of Emma's small scream, and Rachel disengaged herself from Finn, crawling out of his lap. Finn slid from the bed moments after his wife, hurrying behind her as she practically sprinted down the hall. When Rachel reached the bedroom Emma was sitting bolt upright, clutching her blankets and Beary; it was clear that she was crying. Moments later Rachel had gathered the little girl into her arms and settled on the edge of the bed, holding Emma close to her chest and murmuring into her ear that it would be alright.

"It was just a bad dream, sweetie; it wasn't real." She whispered. "It's alright. You're awake now, and I've got you."

"Don't make me leave." The tiny plea shattered Finn's heart. "I don't want to go back; please don't make me."

"Hey now, no one's going to make you go anywhere." He kept his voice soft as he knelt in front of them. "You're safe here, little one. You're safe, and no one is ever going to hurt you again."

Emma sobbed into the over-sized t-shirt Rachel was wearing, and Finn and Rachel exchanged glances. Rachel gently stroked her hair, trying to get her stop shaking, and tears stung her eyes.

"Maybe it's time to stop fighting the universe, Rach." Finn whispered as he reached out to rub Emma's back. "She _needs_ us."

"Maybe you're right." A tear slid down her cheek, and she used her free hand to wipe it away. "Maybe it is time to stop for awhile.

_iii_.

"If Miss Rachel doesn't do Christmas how come we're putting all this stuff up?" Emma was holding up candy canes for Finn to put on the Christmas tree. "I don't get it."

"Miss Rachel celebrates a different holiday, Em, but I do Christmas. And we're going to do Christmas for you too." He ruffled her hair and took one of the candy canes, unwrapping it and offering it to her. "We celebrate both every year. That's why Miss Rachel got out the box with the candles and stuff this morning."

They'd had Emma in the apartment a grand total of five days, and Rachel had been in full panic mode over the fact that they were having family over for the holidays and the apartment wasn't even half decorated. Every year the apartment went from modern and tasteful to festive and full of cheer, even if Kurt often announced that it bordered on tacky at times. They piped Christmas music through their sound system, and Finn sang loudly as he held Emma up to let her place the tree topper. The silver and blue star was as old as Finn, picked out by his father and given to them by his mother on their first Christmas in New York City, and Rachel kept it wrapped in enough tissue paper and bubble wrap to withstand an explosion.

"Mr. Finn, how come you and Miss Rachel sing all the time? You're not in a play like her." Finn chuckled as he set her on the floor, still humming 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen' under his breath.

"No, I'm not in a musical like Rachel, but once upon a time we sang together in shows. That's how we met." Emma looked up at him with wide eyes as he pointed to a picture on the mantle of New Directions holding up their trophy from Nationals. "We even won some competitions."

It was lunchtime by the time they finished decorating the tree and setting up the rest of Christmas décor. He'd left Emma at the coffee table in the living room, coloring pictures of ornaments while he made a peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich for Emma and a ham and cheese for himself, and the music was loud enough that he couldn't hear what was going on in the other room. But honestly, what trouble could a four year old girl get into with crayons and coloring pages? He found one of the trays in the cabinet, and it only took him a few more minutes to return with lunch, complete with apple slices and chocolate milk for Emma and chips and a coke for himself. The first thing he saw when he got into the room was Emma under the tree, her eyes filled with tears. When she looked up at him, her eyes went wide with fear, and she immediately moved to hide behind the tree.

"I'm s-sorry, Mr. Finn. I d-didn't mean to do it. I w-was just trying to make my picture m-match." Finn's eyes dropped to the navy ornament, or what was left of it, lying shattered on the floor. "It was an accident. P-please don't."

"Emma, sweetheart," he moved closer, only to have her continue to back up to the wall, her entire body trembling.

"I'm s-sorry. P-please don't hit me; it won't happen again, I p-promise." The stutter was back, and Finn wasn't quite sure what to do. "P-please don't—d-don't hit me. And d-don't send me back."

Instinct took over, and he moved swiftly wrapping her in his arms and holding her close. She was trembling in his arms, and he could feel her tears dampening his shirt. This was like nothing he'd expected, even knowing that her biological father had hit her. He'd never imagined having someone afraid of him, especially not a child. He rubbed her back softly, trying to soothe her.

"Shhh, it's alright little one. No one's going to hit you. Nobody is ever going to hit you again." His voice was shaking almost as much as she was. "You're not in trouble, Emma. It was just an accident."

"It was Miss Rachel's favoritest ornament though; she'll be so mad." Her voice was barely audible, muffled by his t-shirt, and he glanced over to see that the broken ornament was one of the hand-painted glass set with silver stars. "She'll hate me."

"Hey now, she won't hate you." He gently lifted her chin so that she was looking up at him. "Let me tell you at little story. Once, when Rachel and I were in school, I was really clumsy and bad dancer. I was so bad that I flung my arm out and smacked her in the face. I broke Miss Rachel's nose, and she doesn't hate me. She _married _me. She forgave me because it was an accident, and she'll forgive you too. It's going to be OK."

"You mean it?" Finn nodded, reaching over to find the box of tissues on the end table and drying her eyes.

"I mean it." Emma offered him a small smile and slid from his lap. "Now, why don't you finish your picture, and I'll get this swept up."

They spent the next day shopping—well mostly Rachel shopped while he carried bags. All the preparations for Emma's arrival had put them severely behind schedule, and Rachel was panicked that she wouldn't be able to get any of the things she needed for dinner with her fathers on the eighth night of Hanukkah or Christmas dinner with Kurt, Sam, Burt and his mom. They'd borrowed Sam's Suburban, even though Finn hated to drive it and Rachel hated that it wasn't a hybrid, because there was no way that they could carry all their shopping everywhere and then pack it into a cab. The broken ornament was easily replaced, much to Emma and Finn's relief, and when Rachel insisted that she needed an hour or so to do a little shopping that Finn couldn't be a part of he took Emma toward Santa's workshop. Emma's eyes widened as they got into line, and it struck Finn that she'd probably never seen Santa or a person dressed as an elf.

"All you have to do is tell him what you want for Christmas, Em." He prompted when she shifted nervously in line.

"He can't be the real Santa though." She looked up at him with wide eyes. "Cause Mr. Sam said that he was at the North Pole."

"He's one of Santa's helpers here in New York, and he'll tell Santa what you asked for so he can bring it." His much larger hand covered hers, squeezing gently. "Santa has lots and lots of helpers."

"Can he really get me what I want, whatever it is?"

"Why don't you ask him?" He gave her a gentle nudge forward before stepping aside to let them take a picture and let Emma talk to Santa.

As he stood there watching her, a smile on her face as she whispered into the man's ear, Finn couldn't help but wonder what it might be like to have Emma as his daughter, not just a little girl he was fostering. She was sweet and gentle, and despite everything she seemed to have so much hope.

"I just want a family, please." Finn saw the mall Santa's eyes widen, and he took a few steps forward. "I want Miss Rachel and Mr. Finn to be my mommy and daddy. I promise to be a good girl forever."

_iv. _

The apartment smelled like roasting chicken, and Emma sat on her stool at the bar in the kitchen giggling as Rachel followed Finn around the kitchen giving him instructions. She wouldn't touch meat of any kind, but since they couldn't travel everything was being done at their apartment. And you couldn't have Hanukkah with Grandmother Rebecca's roasted chicken. Emma nibbled on a gingerbread man, watching Finn try to baste the chicken while Rachel peeled and grated potatoes.

"Papa and Daddy will be here in four hours, and we are still so far behind." Rachel glanced over her shoulder for a moment. "The applesauce isn't done; I haven't even begun to make the sufganiyot or the filling."

"Rach, I can do more than the chicken. Just let me help." Finn kissed the top of her head. "If you don't let me help, we'll never be ready."

"Why don't you and Emma go pick out her outfit for tonight, and I'll finish up in here." Finn reached for Emma's hand, leading her off to her room.

Three hours later, Finn entered his bedroom to find Emma seated in Rachel's make up chair in front of her vanity, allowing his wife to put giant curlers in her hair that matched the ones she was wearing. The sight made him smile, and when Rachel turned around she seemed to glow with pride in her soft blue dress. Not for the first time, Finn imagined what it might be like to have this as his family; he was very much in danger of becoming attached to this little girl and the way she already fit so well into their lives.

Her fathers were thirty minutes early, and Rachel was just taking the chicken out of the oven, her hair still in curlers when they buzzed. Finn rushed to let them in, and Rachel herded Emma back into the bedroom to take her hair down. When they appeared ten minutes later, LeRoy enveloped his daughter in a hug while Hiram shook Finn's hand. Emma watched the scene with wide nervous eyes, and when Hiram knelt in front of her she moved to hide behind Finn's legs. It took Rachel five minutes to convince her that it was alright that her fathers were not bad men, and that she was safe. But soon Emma was showing them the tree and the coloring pages she'd done, proudly displayed on the mantle and beside the faux fireplace. She didn't seem to understand that Rachel's fathers didn't celebrate Christmas either, but both older men cheerfully praised her artistic abilities and each took one of the paint by number Christmas cards she had made with Finn.

"Dinner is delicious, Bunny, but you didn't have to go to such troubles." Hiram smiled as he took a bite of his chicken sometime later. "Honestly, we could have had a simple meal."

"Honestly Papa, did you really think we could have Hanukkah dinner without Grandma Rebecca's roasted chicken? I followed Finn around the kitchen giving orders, and we did just fine." She reached over to squeeze her husband's hand. "And miss Emma here, she helped me fill the sufganiyot for dessert."

"I'm sure they'll taste marvelous." LeRoy offered the little girl a smile as she nibbled a latke. "I bet they'll be the best ever."

Rachel ate quietly, watching the scene before her, and for the first time in two years she was truly happy. If this was what it was like to have a happy family, then she was in heaven. Emma finally opened up to Hiram and LeRoy, telling them all about how Finn let her help with the tree and Rachel let her help in the kitchen, and everything seemed right and perfect. After dinner was finished, Hiram and LeRoy pulled her aside into kitchen under the guise of helping with the dishes.

"Rachel, sweetheart, you know we support you no matter what, but are you sure that, given your difficulties, this is good idea?" LeRoy reached for her hands. "I only mean that I'm worried that you'll become too attached to her, and when the time comes you won't be able to handle giving her to her adoptive family."

"Daddy, I know I can be emotional and dramatic—"

"Bunny, we just don't want you to get hurt; we only want what's best for you." Rachel reached into the cookie jar. "You know that eventually Emma will be adopted, and you'll have to let her go. And you have to be willing to accept that."

"I know that that, Papa, and I understand." But she was worried. "It's our job to prepare her for a family of her own, and we're doing our best."

"But it's possible that she won't—she won't settle in with an adoptive family." LeRoy mused.

_v_.

Kurt and Sam arrived with Madison Christmas morning just as Emma was being pulled away from the tree, where she'd already opened and set up her new dollhouse Santa had brought her, to get dressed, and Finn offered his brother and brother-in-law some much needed coffee. It took Rachel fifteen minutes to get an overly excited Emma, fueled by chocolate chip pancakes and hot chocolate, into her sweater and jeans; she raced out of the room before Rachel could finish brushing her hair. Kurt let out a chuckle as Rachel darted out after her.

"Seems someone has fallen into motherhood rather easily," he muttered as he took the coffee cup Finn was offering.

"Yeah, she's great with her." He took Madison in his arms so that Sam could put gifts under the tree. "Mom and Burt should be on their way soon; they're probably going to sleep in at the hotel."

Burt and Carole had flown in the night before, and they were expected by noon; Rachel felt guilty having them break tradition and fly out on a holiday, but they had completely understood since Emma wasn't permitted to leave the state. Everyone had been invited to celebrate in New York, but the Puckermans had driven to Lima for the holidays to celebrate with their respective families. She adjusted the pearls around her neck, a present from Finn, and embraced her best friend.

"You look fabulous, Rachie; merry Christmas, sweetheart." They settled on the couch as Emma rushed back to her dollhouse by the tree. "I hope she's likes what Sam and I bought her. I wasn't sure what to get all things considered."

"You should have seen her eyes when she discovered that she had gifts under the tree. This is the first Christmas she's ever had, Kurt; I'd be willing to bet she's never been given a gift in her life—with the exception of her birthday." Rachel sipped on a cup of coffee. "I'm sure she'll love whatever you got her."

"She seems so happy, and you seem happier too."

Rachel glanced over to see that Emma was explaining to Sam who each doll in her new collection was and trying to convince him to play with her; the light giggle that escaped her caught Finn's attention as he bounced Madison on his knee.

"It looks like Sam is providing the voices for all Emma's new dolls, at least the male ones anyway." Maddie clapped her hands in Finn's lap. "Nice to see his impressions are coming in handy."

"Oh shut up, Finn. Maddie loves her Daddy's impressions, don't you sweetie?" Kurt cooed to the ten month old in his brother's lap.

Two hours later Burt and Carole arrived, laden down with gifts. Emma shied away from Burt at first, but when she saw Finn and Kurt hug him she seemed to feel less afraid. With a little nudge from Rachel, she picked up the cards she'd painted and eagerly passed them to each of the guests; Finn had encouraged her to make one for everyone in an effort to help her feel as if she were already part of a family.

"This is beautiful, Emma; did you do it all by yourself?" Carole smiled down at her.

"Mr. Finn helped me while Miss Rachel was at play practice." Emma flashed a bright smile toward Finn. "Do you like it? Really?"

"I love it! Thank you so much!" Carole wrapped her arms around Emma in a tight hug, squeezing her gently, and Finn swore he could see tears in his mother's eyes.

After dinner they sat around the tree, all in the floor, and Kurt held Madison in his lap while she played with a ribbon he'd removed from one of the packages. Sam and Finn had convinced Emma to hand out packages, and Burt placed his Santa hat on her head so that she would look the part. She took each gift to Rachel, who read out the name for her, and then skipped over to the intended recipient, handed them the package and practically chirped Merry Christmas. Once they were all handed out, Emma plopped herself between Finn and Rachel, her eyes bright and wide as she looked at the gifts that belonged to her. Tears sparkled as she looked up at the family surrounding her.

"These are for me?" She bit her trembling lower lip, and when Rachel nodded, she opened her mouth to speak but no words came.

Kurt and Sam had given her a huge arts and crafts set that promised to make hundreds of cute projects and dolls to go with her new collection, and Burt and Carole had given her a plastic easel with paints and things as well as some books. It was obvious that Emma had no idea how to react, and she kept repeating thank you over and over.

"Merry Christmas dears." Later that evening as they were leaving Carole embraced her son and daughter-in-law and whispered in their ears. "I think you are doing a wonderful thing for Emma. I think you will make wonderful parents someday."

"Thanks Mom," Finn murmured, wiping his eyes hastily.

"I hope she finds a family who cares about her as much as you two do." Rachel swallowed, the words echoing in her ears. "She deserves the kind of love you could give."

_vi. _

"Miss San needs you." Rachel spun around quickly. "She's screaming stuff I don't understand, but then she said to get you."

They were putting away the Christmas decorations at the Center when Emma came running into the room from the storage area speaking so quickly that Rachel almost couldn't understand her. The tiny girl grabbed Rachel's hand and practically dragged her to the other room.

"She's in there, and she's hurting real bad." Emma pointed toward the back.

"Stay right here, and I'll check on her." She rushed passed her and into the room. "San! San, I'm coming hold on!"

She found her friend leaned against the edge of a shelf, her face contorted as another contraction hit her, and instant she reached out to prevent her from falling. Balancing carefully, she supported Santana with her shoulder, and the two women stumbled out of the storage room arm in arm.

"Emma, I need you to be very brave. Can you do that for me?" The little girl nodded up at her. "I need you to go get Miss Caroline and tell her the baby is coming. Tell her we need a car."

Emma raced off to find the Center director, leaving Rachel to half walk half carry her best friend out to where they kept the vans used for emergencies and small trips. A few minutes later she reappeared pulling Caroline along with her, and they piled into one of the vans, where Rachel held Santana's hand and made frantic phone calls to Puck and her husband, informing them that they needed to meet them at the hospital. Emma was pale as she stared up at Rachel and Santana, and Rachel tried to offer her a small reassuring smile.

"Thank you for being such a brave girl, Em. You did such a good job."

Two hours later Rachel was pacing back and forth in the waiting lounge, waiting to hear word from the doctors. Caleb was a week early, and Santana had been in labor for an hour and a half; Puck and Finn had arrived within ten minutes of the women, with Becca in tow, and now the two little girls were seated in the floor coloring pictures of My Little Ponies while Finn fell into step behind his wife. Puck had raced passed them into the delivery room, and they still hadn't seen him yet. After a fifth lap around the room, Finn grabbed his wife and guided her to the nearest chair before she wore a hole in the floor.

"Rach, baby, I think you need to calm down. Santana is fine; Puck's in there with her, and this is not their first rodeo." He squeezed her hand gently, and she looked over at him, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. "Why do I feel like this is not about Caleb at all?"

"It's nothing; just worried about our new godson." But Finn shook his head.

"You want to tell me a different lie, baby girl? Because that one just isn't cutting it."

"I've just been thinking about the things our parents said, about getting too attached to Emma." She rested her head on his shoulder. "What's going to happen when they find her a nice family? What then?"

"Babe, that's our job." He tried not to make it obvious that he already didn't like the idea of Emma leaving either. "We're supposed to help her be ready for a family. And when that day comes, we'll be happy for her. We'll have made her life so much better."

"But what do we do then? When we lose our little girl? I know she's not _really ours_, but—" He pressed a finger to her lips, cutting her off. "Can you really let her go?"

"That's a bridge we'll cross when we get there, Rach, and not until." He pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, trying not to think about Emma's wish to Santa Claus. "For now, we're just going to her the best possible home and the best family we can."

Puck came out into the waiting lounge ten minutes later, his face split into a broad grin, and he picked Becca up to take her in to see her new little brother. Rachel and Finn followed, holding Emma's hands as she walked between them, and, as they stepped into the room, Finn couldn't help but see the slight flash of sadness in his wife's eyes when she watched their friends greeting their new son.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**: This chapter has been a bear to write, and I'm not quite sure why. Part of me thinks it's because I know that I am coming to the end of this fic and I don't know what I'll do when there are no more chapters to write. And part of me couldn't bring myself to write anything after we lost Cory. I hope that my writing honors him, the character he played, and the couple he loved so much. There are only two more chapters to go in Emma's journey with Finn and Rachel.

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Normalcy. The caseworker said they were supposed to establish a sense of normalcy for Emma and do all the things that they would do if she had been born their daughter. Family life suited him. It was nice to wake up every morning to a wife and daughter. It seemed simple and easy to handle. Get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner with Emma and Rachel, and go to bed. The routine was normal and relaxing, even if he had no idea how Rachel was managing her hectic rehearsal schedule now that Emma was a regular part of their lives.

"Rach, what's this for?" The packet on the counter had Emma's full name neatly written on a label, as if he needed a reminder that she was not a Hudson—not really their daughter.

"Montessori school, remember?" Rachel pressed his coffee cup into his hand and reached to straighten his tie. "My fathers sent me to a Montessori preschool to begin my education when I was two years old so that I would have a well rounded start before I began elementary school. It contributed greatly to my educational success."

"Emma's four; do you really think it's a good idea?" He glanced over his shoulder for the little girl. "We aren't even sure how long she'll be with us."

"For as long as she lives with us she'll live the life we'd give our own daughter. And we've talked about a Montessori preschool for our children." Rachel paused, chewing her bottom lip. "She can't go to rehearsals with me every day, and the children's center isn't meant to be a daycare. She needs structure. And January is the perfect time to get her situated into a new school."

"I take it the forms are already all filled out, and I just have to sign?" The papers slid out of the envelope, and he swiftly signed his name. "She's already enrolled, isn't she?"

"I went by yesterday." Her smile was so bright that it was impossible to be irritated with her. "All we have to do is sign a few forms and take Emma for the tour. It will be good for her, Finn. She needs to live a normal life, and children her age should have all the benefits their parents can afford to give them."

"I know, I know, this preschool will give her a head start on learning to read and write, and she'll get to experiment in art and music." He'd heard the speech so many times that he'd memorized it word for word.

"I thought since you don't have to go into work until later today and I don't have rehearsal we might take her this morning for a half day." Emma stumbled into the room sleepily tugging Beary along behind her, and Finn scooped her up, setting her on the stool next to him.

"G'morning," the words were slurred by sleepiness, and Rachel offered the little girl a soft smile.

"Well Em, Miss Rachel beat me to the kitchen so there is a distinct lack of chocolate chip pancakes. I guess cereal or frozen waffles will just have to do the trick this morning."

"Cereal please." Rachel's eyes widened when Finn slid off his stool and moved to pull out a box of Lucky Charms from under the cabinet; clearly someone had ignored the only healthy cereal in the apartment rule. "Thank you."

Two bowls were poured, much to Rachel's dismay, and as they ate everything seemed so perfectly normal. Rachel surveyed the picture perfect scene before her: Emma and Finn eating cereal together, Finn pausing to teasingly threaten to steal a marshmallow from Emma's bowl while Emma squealed no, and Finn raising his hands in defeat. She could get used to having a family like this. It would be so easy to live this life. But she forced herself to remember that Emma was not really theirs; they were just a stop on her journey to finding a loving family. One day the caseworker would come and this would all be over.

"Today is a big day!" Rachel practically chirped the words as she carried the empty bowl that once held fruit, yogurt, and granola to the sink. "Remember what we talked about last night?"

"I got to go to 'sorri school." Emma did not match Rachel's enthusiasm, and Finn almost winced. "But I don't want to go to school. I want to stay with you and go to 'hearsal and to see Miss San. I don't know anybody at 'sorri school."

"I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends at the new preschool Emma Bear, and you'll have lots of fun." There was a pause as Emma considered her foster parent's with wide eyes. "And today is only for a half day so you can look around. If you don't like it then you don't have to stay or even go back."

"But I'm sure you'll like it there." Rachel cut in quickly. "There will be lots of things to do like art and music and games. And I just know you'll have so much fun!"

Reluctantly Emma nodded, and after breakfast Finn's offer of a bath with bubbles brightened her mood substantially. Rachel coaxed her into a new purple dress and her new sneakers, though attempts to teach her to tie her shoelaces were still fairly futile, and when Finn peeked into the room she was sitting in Rachel's lap while her hair was brushed into a long ponytail and tied with a matching purple ribbon. Ten minutes later the three of them slid into a cab and began the journey to Emma's new school.

It seemed the sight of paint and crayons was enough to wipe any fear from Emma's mind. The moment the school director began showing them the various stations where children could learn and play, Emma began excitedly pointing out her favorite things. Even the other children were less frightening than expected to the usually shy little girl, who almost immediately found a pair of playmates in the art and crafts area where they were making things from clay. In hopes of allowing Emma to become better acclimated to the environment, Finn and Rachel left her to her own devices while they filled out the final paper work and listed the various friends and family members who could retrieve Emma if they were unable to do so.

_ii_.

It had been two blissful months since Emma joined their family; as February began to wind down Finn wondered if it was all too good to be true. Rachel's show was rapidly approaching, and she practically glowed. It was like she'd absorbed the spotlight and it was now radiating from beneath her skin. There had been no mention of their difficulties conceiving, although occasionally once Emma was safely asleep Rachel would mutter in his ear that she wanted to continue 'Operation Make a Hudson' and drag him away from his laptop and off to bed. Emma loved Montessori school, and every day there was a new drawing or painting to put on the refrigerator door; he now drank his coffee at work out of a black mug with a hand painted football on it under his name. On afternoons when Rachel didn't have rehearsal, she'd take Emma to play with Becca while she visited Santana and cooed over Caleb.

When they received the phone call informing them that a new caseworker would be taking over Emma's file, they were relieved, hoping that it would be someone less apt to judge them for being a little out of the ordinary. Roger Carlisle seemed like a very nice man, and when Finn spoke to him the next day over the phone, he spent twenty minutes gushing over how nice it was for Emma to have such kind people looking after her and how interesting it was that her foster mother was actually an actress. Part of him wondered if the man was fishing for free tickets to Rachel's show, but so long as this man understood about their lives and cared about Emma's future and well being Finn was willing to let the rest slide.

Evaluation days were always nerve wracking, no matter how well Emma was doing. Rachel constantly worried that she was falling short of expectations, and she would rush around the apartment attempting to clean thing that were already spotless. Finn often wondered if she dreaded the day they would hear that Emma was ready for permanent placement; a large selfish part of him certainly did. It was so easy to think about Emma as their daughter—easy to forget that this was a foster situation not an adoption. But each visit was a reminder. Every visit went the same way, and today would be no different. Finn and Rachel were left alone in the kitchen, out of sight so that Roger could talk to Emma about her life with them in the living room. After about an hour Emma was sent off to play in her room and Roger asked Finn and Rachel to come in; Rachel settled on the couch next to her husband, nervously fidgeting with bracelet around her wrist.

"Emma is doing extremely well. She seems very happy and healthy, and she loves her life here. She's adjusting to life in a family setting without much difficulty." He flipped through the pages of his notes. "She was genuinely excited about her enrollment in Montessori preschool, and I think it was an excellent idea to prepare her for school in the future."

"We try to keep things as normal as possible for her; she had Christmas and Hanukkah with our families when she first moved in with us, and we try to ensure that she never feels as though she's not a part of our family." Finn paused and glanced toward Emma's room. "We were told by her previous caseworker that we needed to carefully mention the idea of her leaving for a permanent home, but she doesn't seem to understand that concept."

"Yes, of course. In fact my primary concern is that she seems to be extremely attached to the two of you; she became agitated when I casually mentioned finding a new home and family. She was concerned that perhaps you might not want her anymore and that was why I was talking about taking her away." Rachel nodded. "I'm sure I don't need to remind you of the importance of preparing Emma for permanent placement; your job as foster parents is to ensure that she is ready to move on to a more permanent home in the future, and you cannot allow yourselves to become attached to her."

"We understand that Mr. Carlisle, but what you must understand is that Emma has difficulty with her self esteem; it seems that her biological father's mistreatment has led to several problems. She often feels abandoned and unwanted, and we want to ensure that she knows how loved she is. As I'm sure you're aware, her father physically harmed her until she was removed from his care, and we have reason to believe that he also verbally abused her. While they have become less frequent, she still has the occasional nightmare."

"Mrs. Hudson, I do understand the situation; I've thoroughly reviewed her file, and I assure you, I want what is best for her." Rachel's indignant stare made him pause. "We simply seek to ensure that Emma has to best possible chance at a happy and healthy future, and when the time comes for her to be placed in a permanent home we want to do so with as little pain as possible for all involved."

"Of course, Mr. Carlisle, we also just want what's best for Emma, and having worked with her over these past months, we've come to understand a great deal about her." As they watched him leave ten minutes later, Finn and Rachel weren't sure that anything could be painless about this situation.

For the next few weeks, life continued normally in the Hudson home, but Rachel could see a growing uneasiness in Emma's behavior. There were mornings when she was reluctant to go to preschool, and twice she complained of an upset stomach in order to convince Finn to work from home so that she did not have to go only to discover that by noon she was feeling fine. Nothing could convince her to explain why she didn't want to go to preschool. After a third feigned stomach ache, Rachel insisted that they sit down with their foster daughter and do whatever it took to find out what the problem was.

"Em, do you want to tell us why you don't want to go to school?" Rachel seated herself on the bed next to her, on hand reach out to tuck Emma's hair behind her ear.

"Sarah and Oscar said you aren't my real mommy and daddy and that I'll have to go live with some other mommy and daddy like Trevor did." Finn winced; Emma's friend Trevor had been a foster child too, and he'd been adopted by a couple from California who couldn't have children last week. "They said his mommy and daddy didn't want him so they sent him far away."

Trevor had been one of Emma's favorite playmates at preschool, and when they first discovered that he too was a foster child they'd been conflicted. His foster parents had been in the system for years, taking in children regularly, even some who were waiting for their birth families to be able to take care of them again. Robert and Emily were very nice and full of great advice, but Emma's friendship with Trevor frightened Rachel. She knew that he might be adopted soon, and explaining it to a four year old who might be going through the same things eventually would be almost impossible.

"Emma, sweetheart, do you remember what we talked about? How Trevor's foster mommy and daddy loved him so much that they wanted him to have the best life ever?" Emma nodded, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "They wanted to keep him forever, but his new mommy and daddy loved him even more. So they let Trevor go with them so that he could play in the sunshine and be happy."

"Trevor was adopted, Little Bit. He has a new mom and dad who love him so much. He was just staying with Ms. Emily and Mr. Roger until he could go be with them." Finn swallowed thickly. "Just like you are staying with us. Understand?"

"But you could 'dopt me. I don't want to leave." It took all of Rachel's strength not to cry. "You could 'dopt me, and I'd never have to leave."

Maybe it was cowardly, but Finn couldn't make himself keep talking about giving Emma's potential adoption. He pulled her into his lap, kissed the top of her head, and let her cling to his shirt. He couldn't bear to think about her leaving them.

"We'll talk about this later, baby girl." He murmured. "You don't have to leave."

Rachel reached out to gently stroke her hair, using her free hand to swiftly sweep away her tears; it certainly wouldn't help matters if Emma were to see her crying.

_iii_.

Once a week on Wednesday nights, Rachel and Finn had dinner with Sam and Kurt, alternating homes each time. This time it was Finn and Rachel's turn to host, and she'd prepared lasagna—vegetarian for her and Kurt and meaty traditional for Sam and Finn; Emma had enjoyed her tasks of shredding cheese, stirring sauce, and buttering garlic bread almost as much as she enjoyed the chocolate cake with whipped cream filling they had for dessert. While the adults cleaned up, Emma amused herself by putting on an elaborate puppet show of the Ugly Duckling for baby Madison, who drifted off to sleep in her carrier just as the Ugly Duckling became a swan.

"She's doing so great!" Sam glanced out at the children as he handed a stack of dried dishes to Finn. "She's so much like you though, Rach; sitting there listening to her explain that she could sing the alphabet better than anyone else at school gave me glee club flashbacks."

"Emma certainly is extraordinary." Rachel's smile spread to her eyes, and Finn leaned in to kiss her cheek, ignoring the gagging noise from Kurt. "She's already learning to read, and we've started playing the piano here whenever she wants."

"Unfortunately all they play is 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' over and over; I was singing it at work yesterday." There was a collective chuckle. "But she's getting good at it."

"Well would you listen to the two of you! Sounding like a couple of proud parents cooing over every little thing she does." Rachel nudged Kurt. "You two are doing an amazing job. And you really should be proud. I know all of us are."

"Maddie went to sleep, and I didn't get to finish the Ugly Duckling for her!" Emma's announcement had every adult's attention.

"I'm sure she was very tired; it's past her bed time and yours too." Finn scooped her up in a bear hug.

"We'd better get home; if Maddie girl is asleep now we might make it home without a tantrum over the car seat." Sam gave Kurt a significant glance, and Kurt reached out to envelop Rachel in an embrace.

"You two be good, alright?" Finn nodded, putting Emma back on the floor to hug his brother and shake Sam's hand. "Same time next week!"

Once Sam, Kurt, and Maddie were out and on their way home; Finn and Rachel ushered Emma into the living room to collect her puppet show and then down the hall to a bath before bed. Everything seemed to go smoothly. When they'd first settled Emma into their home, nightmares were a regular occurrence in addition to Finn checking under the bed and in the closets for monsters at least three times a night. She was afraid of the dark, which was easily solved by sunflower nightlight near her bed, and when the nightmares were too bad for a simple lullaby either Finn or Rachel would sleep in the room with her. As time went on the nightmares became less frequent; Finn only had to do one round of anti-monster inspections each night and Emma slept blissfully.

Tonight seemed to be an exception to the rule; after Finn's first round of monster checks, Emma seemed restless. The Princess and the Pea did not calm her, and neither did story of the Frog Prince. She insisted that Finn check twice more before settling down for the night, and even Rachel singing her lullaby failed to soothe her. There was no real explanation for her behavior, and nothing Finn or Rachel could do made it any better. By eleven, Rachel had sung five lullabies and Finn had read four stories, with the silly voices to match the characters. But they couldn't simply sit up all night trying to convince her to sleep, not when Finn had to be at the office early for a meeting and Rachel's show had gone into dress and tech rehearsals. Emma had to be exhausted, and so they tucked her in and turned on her night light, saying good night with a kiss to her forehead in hopes that she would simply drift off to sleep.

One o'clock in the morning proved that was not to be the case. They tried to leave the bedroom door open when Emma was having bad night so that she would be able to reach them easily if she needed them, but they had hoped that those nights would become fewer. Finn was awakened by a small hand on his shoulder, attempting to shake him, and when he rolled over Emma was staring up at him with teary eyes, clutching Beary to her chest with trembling arms.

"What's the matter, Em?" He tried desperately to keep the edge from his voice.

"Bad dream," the murmured words were barely audible, and he reached to nudge his wife awake.

"Finn Hudson it's one in the morning and I have rehearsal at seven, now is not a good time—oh, Emma sweetie, what's wrong?" Her tone shifted immediately, and Emma moved closer.

"She had another bad dream." He whispered. "They've come back again, and I'm not sure why."

"Can I sleep with you?" Sleepy eyes full of tears pleaded with them, and Finn reluctantly moved so that there was an Emma-sized space between him and his wife. "I promise not to wiggle too much."

"Come on sweetheart, snuggle in between us; it'll be ok." Rachel patted the space Finn had created.

Beary in tow, Emma crawled over Finn and under the blankets, wiggling until she was pressed into Rachel's side. Rachel offered him a small smile, moving her arm so that it wasn't pinned beneath Emma, and she pulled the blankets up over them. Finn pulled in a breath, adjusting his position again to avoid potentially rolling over and crushing her.

"G'night mommy," Rachel froze, her eyes meeting Finn's across the top of Emma's head; there was no way that she had heard correctly—she hadn't heard Emma say those words. "G'night daddy."

Time seemed to stop. Finn's breath caught in his throat, and tears welled in his eyes. Rachel swallowed, her heart pounding in her chest. It was like someone had pressed pause on the universe, and everything came to a complete halt.

"Sweet dreams, little one." The words were soft and in unison, and Rachel's fingers twined with his, their hands resting over the blankets that covered the now sleeping little girl.

_iv._

Rachel's opening night was in three days, and the apartment had become _Funny Girl _central. Not only that, but Rachel had gone into what she called show mode, which essentially meant that she didn't speak at all unless absolutely necessary and avoided any risk of illness or vocal strain. All of this meant that Finn had to explain several times why his wife wouldn't talk to anyone, even Emma. He was constantly reminding her that Rachel wasn't mad at her, just making sure that she could sing pretty on her big night. So when he heard singing in the apartment, a garbled version of "Don't Rain on My Parade" Finn knew it couldn't be Rachel. He followed the sounds to the back bedroom where he found Emma sitting in front of Rachel's vanity, makeup scattered across it.

"Em, whatcha doing?" The look on the four year old girl's face was priceless.

"I wanted to be pretty." The shy response came from lips stained bright red with Rachel's favorite red lipstick. "I wanted to be pretty like Miss Rachel. Am I pretty?"

"Very pretty, sweetheart, but maybe we should get you cleaned up before dinner. And maybe next time you should ask Miss Rachel before messing with her stuff." As he surveyed the little girl's face, he pulled in a breath; Rachel would absolutely die if she saw this mess. "Come with me, ok?"

He led her to the bathroom and quickly lifted her onto the counter; it was clear that Emma had been watching Rachel put on her makeup. There were black lines across her eyelids and large pink blush smears on her cheeks. She looked like some sort of cartoon character; he chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead before racing over to the dresser in the next room to pick up his camera. When he returned to the bathroom Emma was swinging her feet, hands on her knees, still singing the wrong words to 'Don't Rain on My Parade' at the top of her voice.

"Smile Emma-bean!" Her smile lit up the room, and he snapped four pictures of her broad smile and bright laughing face covered in makeup before reaching for a washcloth on the counter and running a sink full of warm water. "Now, let's get this stuff off before Miss Rachel gets home from her rehearsal, ok?"

With a gentle touch, he began wiping away all the makeup, and he was so wrapped up in what he was doing, humming 'You Are My Sunshine' to her, that he failed to notice his wife standing in the doorway, a dry erase board in one hand and a marker in the other. It wasn't until she knocked hard on the door and Emma jumped that Finn looked up to see that Rachel was holding up her board with the words what's going on written in bright red. There were no explanations that did not involve confessing that he'd been too distracted by the basketball game to notice that Emma was off finding ways to entertain herself. He stammered something about accidents, but Rachel was too busy giggling at his attempts to remove waterproof liquid eyeliner and mascara without scrubbing to be angry.

"Rach, a little help?" His eyes met hers, filled with mild desperation, and Rachel couldn't prevent a laugh from bubbling out; she nodded and gently took the cloth from his hand.

Ten minutes, four cotton balls, two washcloths, and a towel later they were curled up together under a blanket on the couch watching _Funny Girl_. Emma watched with rapt attention, trying to sing along with every song, and Finn kept imagining Rachel singing every song Barbra sang. In two days she was going to be on stage, finally getting her moment to shine in a role she was meant to play; when he glanced in her direction Rachel was mouthing the words to each song, and he could almost see the scenes playing in her mind with her as Fanny Brice. She'd been talking about this show launching her career for weeks, and now the moment had arrived.

Everything seemed so perfect; with her career finally on track, she was sure that the rest of her life would fall into place. Finn had a permanent byline; he was so successful, and they were ready. It was finally their turn. At least that's what she thought. Rachel wrapped her arms around Emma, taken by how easily she could pretend that Emma was her daughter—that she would not be leaving them eventually. At this moment everything seemed perfect, and she was more than willing to stay here forever.

Her fathers had come up from Ohio, and so had his mom and Burt, who insisted that missing opening night would be a crime; almost the entire Glee club—the originals—were going to be there. Even Mercedes had flown in from Los Angeles to be there to watch her favorite miniature diva take the stage. Everyone was on orders to meet at the theater, and both sets of parents were arriving just in time to change for the show, which left Finn home alone to get Emma ready. He was pretty sure this was Rachel's way of testing him; when she left Emma was sitting in her room playing with her dolls, already fresh from a bubble bath with sponge rollers in her hair, but Finn discovered rather quickly that Rachel had not picked out an outfit.

"Em, we need to get ready." Emma looked up from the little plastic family she had preparing for the plastic mommy's show. "Do you want to pick out a dress for tonight?"

"Which ones can I?" Finn led her to her wardrobe and pointed to a section of dresses hanging neatly in a row; Rachel had been very specific when she let him know which were fancy enough to wear on special occasions. "Can I wear the blue one with the white bow? We can match!"

She pointed up at the navy and silver striped tie still hanging untied around his neck, and he smiled down at her. Dropping a kiss on the top of her head he carefully selected the dress from the wardrobe and removed it from its white plastic hanger. Emma eagerly took it from his hands and waited patiently for him to step out of the room so that she could put it on before calling him back in to zip it and tie the bow. He sat on his knees behind her, surprising himself as he deftly secured the wide white sash with a neat bow, and when she turned he quickly buckled her patent leather shoes, glad Rachel had gotten her to put her tights on underneath the pajama pants she'd been wearing earlier.

"Blue or white?" He stood slowly, unfolding his long body back to full height and reaching for the box of ribbon Rachel used for Emma's hair and the brush; this was going to be the real challenge.

"Blue please!" Brush in hand and hair tie around his wrist, he urged her to sit on the bed so that he didn't have to return to the floor and sat down behind her.

"I'm not too good at this, Em. You tell me if I'm pulling, ok?" She responded with an enthusiastic nod.

He'd watched his wife quickly brush and style Emma's hair more times than he could count, but his hands automatically began to shake when he began to remove the rollers. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her because he was too clumsy to handle what Rachel made look so simple. The process of unrolling her curls was slow, and by the time he'd gently removed them all Emma was starting to get antsy; he'd had to remind her three times to be very still or else he might accidentally tangle her hair. She only winced twice when the brush caught a snag, and he carefully pulled the top half of her dark curls into a ponytail and neatly tied her blue ribbon into a bow.

"Beautiful just like—" He had to stop himself from calling Rachel Emma's Mommy, and instead he leaned in to kiss her cheek as she hopped from the bed; with a bright grin, she did a quick turn for effect, skirt swirling around her. "Just like Miss Rachel."

"Really?" His answer was a broad smile. "Don't forget to tie."

Her reminder caught him off guard, failing to register that he hadn't tied his own tie until she walked up and tugged it. Murmuring a thank you, he fumbled with it for a moment before finally securing the knot and then quickly slid from the bed and reached for her hand. They were already running late, and they had one stop before they could get to the theater.

An hour and a half later they were sitting among their friends and family, two bouquets of flowers tucked beneath their seats and a small bag of apple slices in Emma's lap to keep her hunger at bay until dinner after the show. Finn couldn't take his eyes off Rachel from the moment she stepped into the light, and the moment her voice rang out in the theater he felt a sudden thrill; watching her perform was like something out of dream, full of magic. Rachel was completely focused and immersed in the role, and it was like watching her come alive. On stage Rachel was a force to be reckoned with, and it was impossible to look away. Emma's small hand reached for his, and he caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye, mouthing the words as Rachel sang them.

The theater almost exploded with applause during the curtain call, and Finn had to prevent Emma from climbing up to stand on her seat in order to be more visible during the standing ovation. Flowers in hand, the group filed out of the theater, Finn and Emma leading the way hand in hand; they were going to meet Rachel at the stage door before heading off to dinner. Rachel had made a point of hanging back so that she would be one of the last to leave in hopes that the area would be less crowded, but they still struggled to make their way through the tightly packed audience. The moment Emma spotted Rachel she broke away and raced into her arms, handing her a bouquet of daisies, and Rachel lifted her into a warm embrace.

"These are for you! I picked them out all by myself."

"Rachie! Is this little doll yours?" The voice of Rachel's cast mate James echoed from behind them, and he reached out to tap Emma on the nose; he played Eddie Ryan, and they'd met several times when Finn picked Rachel up from rehearsals. "Looks like Finny Boy didn't have too much trouble getting her ready after all."

"Emma, say hi to Jimmy." Finn chuckled, shaking James' hand.

"She's the absolute cutest. Rachel's been flashing her picture around the dressing room like crazy, and we've all been dying to meet her."

Everyone who met her reacted the same way; cast members embraced her, offering her candy and telling her that she was adorable. Rachel chatted with her former Glee teammates, arms full of the daisies from Emma and the large rose bouquet from Finn. They too fawned over Emma. No one behaved as if Emma was anything less than Finn and Rachel's daughter; she laughed and smiled, chattering away about how much she liked school and singing with Rachel and learning to play the piano. Mercedes even jokingly referred to her as Mini Diva 2.0. Rachel's fathers argued over who would carry Emma to the car since it was such a long walk, but before either could win, Finn had already scooped her up and set her on his shoulders, Rachel holding his arm as they headed off to dinner. They were a family; no one could argue that they weren't. And for tonight no one considered the possibility that they might have to give this up eventually.

_v._

If was mid April, and he number of times Emma had called Rachel Mommy or Finn Daddy had increased so much that they no longer treated it as some sort of anomaly. They simply smiled and kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly. The apartment was now littered with pictures of Emma and art projects she'd made in school. Her room was decorated with teddy bears and purple; a large dollhouse sat in one corner and a table in the other, set with a tea set decorated with purple flowers. Everything about their home now indicated that a family with a small daughter lived there. They tried to remind themselves that no matter how normal things seemed Emma might be adopted at any time, but it was growing more difficult. The case worker had explained that when Emma's emotional stability improved enough they would begin looking at her options for permanent placement, and every day seemed to be a step in that direction.

On top of that, Finn and Rachel had still been unable to conceive a child of their own, and she was beginning to believe that a biological child was almost out of the question. Her disappointment was evident, even if they had decided to just let nature take its course. Finn could see her growing more attached to Emma with each passing day; the truth of the matter was that so was he. She loved Emma, and so did he. They were on dangerous ground, and he dreaded the heartbreak that would come when they got the inevitable phone call.

"She seems really happy." Rachel was sitting on their bed, flipping through the photo album they'd been putting together. "Emma's in her room, having a tea party with Grape and Hippo."

"Rach,' he chewed his bottom lip, watching her; he hated to be the one to remind her that this wasn't permanent.

"This photo book was a terrific idea, Finn." She was pointing to a photo of Emma among the cast of Funny Girl; she'd been dressed exactly like Rachel as Fanny Brice, complete with leopard print hat.

"Yeah she'll be able to look back and remember us." Rachel's response died on her lips. "I even put in the pictures from her birthday party at the center—you know the one's Santana took? She'll have great memories when she leaves for her new home."

"Finn, I—" Her words were cut off by a small shuddering sigh.

"You knew this wouldn't be forever, sweetheart. She's getting stronger and braver every day. Last week—"

"I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can let her go." The first tear was enough for him to drop everything and crawl onto the bed beside her; immediately she fell into his embrace, her next words buried in his chest. "I love her; she's my baby. It doesn't matter that we didn't—Finn, I can't lose her now."

Emma's caseworker had been so pleased with her progress on his last visit that he'd said she might be ready to move on to a permanent home. He held her close, fingers stroking through her hair as his shirt muffled her tears; things were only going to be worse when the case worker called, and he wasn't sure that he could handle it. All this time he'd been a rock, holding it together because Rachel needed him to be strong, but the thought of letting Emma going was to break him too. They'd done what everyone had warned them not to; they'd gotten attached. The tears started to sting his eyes, and he swallowed hard, desperately trying not to fall apart. Suddenly the phone rang, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Hudson residence, Finn speaking," Rachel looked up from her position against his chest, her eyes still rimmed in red. "I understand."

"Finn," she stopped before she said anything else, concern growing by the moment.

"How soon—I mean we'd like a chance to break it to her gently." Finn's voice shook. "The last time this kind of thing arose Emma got very upset. We'd like to spare her as much heartache as possible."

"Oh," Rachel pressed her face into his chest.

"Thank you," he pulled in a ragged breath. "We'll be prepared for your call."

"Please no," she whimpered against his chest as he hung up the phone.

"Rach, we have to." Rachel's body shook in his arms, and he held her tighter. "I know, baby. I love her too."


End file.
